Identities

My hair is knotted, shirt stained with blood.
I  can barely walk, I am lost in the pouring rain.
I have no where to go. I can barely see.
My nose is broken I am bruised from head to toe test after test, x-rays, and blood taken.
Doctor after doctor after doctor, I have cried for weeks my heart aches, the trust I once had has vanished, it is impossible to look at myself in the mirror, I am now disgusted by my own name I have nightmares and flashbacks, I am only seventeen, and I've truly feared for my own life. I had to give constant statements. Endless pictures were taken, at the time I looked my worst. The self-confidence I once had built is now shattered. Though it appears I  have healed, to the outside world, when I look in the mirror All I see is bruises, blood, and tears. I am raw.
I am cold. I know I am a beauty, but all I can see is a beast. I want my life back, but the constant reminder is there, everyone pulls me in a different direction to "cope", I have been to a literal hell on earth and back, now that I am the victim, now that I am me, can I look someone in the eye and say "Not guilty" with ease?

 
 
 
 
...and  
I woke up as a woman
so I thought
was I cursed or blessed?
 
I walked out with the thought
everything comes easy
for a woman...
 
I could see the eye gazes
dropping from my eye level
every time I spoke to a man
I tried to pull the  
blouse up
 
I sensed them following me
I couldn't look back
I didn't understand the fear
so I walked fast.
 
I felt a hand on my waist
rubbing down
I couldn't move as I was
trying to stand steady  
on the bus
 
I slowly started to  
realise the curse
with that thought
on a seat, I relaxed
I knew I was falling asleep
I woke up with a hand  
rubbing my thighs
I poked him  
with my umbrella
 
I saw one man  
pushing his crotch
on a girl's shoulder
 
another man
on another woman
trying to balance  
her self
 
and then I realised
why I was turned...

 
 
 
 

 
I woke up with blood on my hands and blood on my face
My head is semi-bandaged and I’ve been stabbed in the eye
My body is hurting like I’ve been beaten by many
I can’t remember anything but I keep asking myself, who am I?

Then I notice there is a body lying lifeless on the floor
I feel myself getting tense from this odd situation
The lights overhead are intermittent and humming    
I think I’ve been beat badly for some interrogation

The room is dank and cold and the steel door looks heavy
Then I hear footstep approaching from the other side
My knuckles are bloody but I make fists and get ready
Even though they hurt I don’t know why I’m also terrified

Three men enter the room, two of them huge armed to the teeth
The little one says “Oh you’re awake, are you ready to talk?”
“I don’t remember anything; I don’t even know my name”
He said “don’t play this game or I'll place you in a cellblock”

Just then one of the other men started to take out some pliers
And before I knew it my fist hit one of them in the face
The other one pulls out a gun and shoots me right on my side
But the bullet grazes me and against the steel door it ricochets

With my other hand I grab the gun and hit him with an elbow
While the little guy tries to shock me with a cattle prod he grins
And without knowing how or why, still asking myself, who am I?
My bare foot went up so fast it just connected with his chin

I turned and let the big man have one hard punch to the throat
Next thing I see he’s down on the floor trying to catch his breath
And I, without thinking, let the other have another punch to the gut
Then ran out of the room, bare foot like I was trying to escape death

I ran down the dark halls of what looked like an abandoned asylum
Feeling that at any minute more of them would come after me
I don’t know why I had skills to kill or let alone fight like that
But my life was in danger and I had to fight to break free

I escaped through a window and went into the empty streets
Buildings were in shamble, fires blazed and smoke filled the sky
I heard gun shots in the distance so I started to run for hours
Looking for people, running all day and asking myself, who am I…