Halloween??

 
Last week, as I walked home alone late at night,
I came across a dark figure in the shadows,
When it came in full view under the streetlight,
It was a woman dressed mostly in black clothes.
 
She had pale skin, jet black hair and red lips,
Like a luminous scarlet with so much appeal,
But this chick had curves, according to her hips,
I could tell this woman didn’t miss her meals.
 
“Are you all by yourself?” she said in a low tone,
With a raspy voice I thought she’d ask for a cigarette,
“Yes” I responded, “but my lady is waiting at home”,
That’s when she revealed a tight crimson corset.
 
“Wow, look at those” I said baffled inside my head,
But it seemed as if this person could read my mind,
“Look into my eyes” she said filling me with dread,
I felt a chilling shiver up and down my spine.
 
She smiled and that’s when I noticed something vile,
Her incisors were getting longer by the second,
Her smokey eyes now had a more cunning guile,
This woman was a vampire, I began to reckon.
 
“Come closer” her voice was casting some spell,
“I don’t want to” I said fearing for my life,
She said: “I can summon demons out of hell!’
And I replied: “Bitch you don’t know my wife!
 
…She will have my nuts in her hands
The moment she smells the likes of you,
And if that’s something you can’t understand,
If you bite me then I am royally screwed!”
 
“I am six hundred years old!” so she claimed,
Her voice was unsettling and so dang drastic,
“I can take anyone I want!” she exclaimed,
To which I said: “Great, that’s just fangtastic.”
 
“Look, here’s the deal, I know I’m just another meal,
You’re kind of hot and I’m just some poor old goof,
I’m not in the best of health and so I must reveal,
My cholesterol level is through the roof…”
 
Before I could finish my sentence, she lunged at me,
Sucking at my neck while I screamed “WHAT THE FUCK?
Bitch! I did not consent to this, it’s 2020”
And that’s the reason why I think vampires suck.
 
Then I had to go home and explain the bite marks.
 
The End
 
Next week: She-Wolf Shenanigans

 
I was walking home alone late one night,
With cool clear skies under a pale full moon,
Thinking to myself: Why am I walking again?
I really need to get my car repaired soon.
 
And sure enough as I was passing by the park,
A sexy woman came out from behind some trees,
I said to myself “motherf… I’m in trouble now”
But I tried to play it cool and remained at ease.
 
“Hey, do you have a light” she said coming closer,
“I don’t smoke m’am” I replied when she was near,
“Are you alone tonight?” she asked curiously,
“Not again”, I thought but this time I had no fear.
 
I said “look, last week I got bit by a vampire,
I’m not trying get in trouble with my spouse,
The last encounter was surreal so please,
I don’t want to get put in the doghouse.”
 
“Why did you say dog?” she said upset,
Her eyes were beginning to glow in the dark,
And I, entranced by some magical spell,
Felt my feet failing me to get out of the park.
 
Just then the moonlight shined on her face,
As she began to writhe, thrash and convulse,
“Are you OK?” I said watching this take place,
Then the veins in her temples began to pulse.
 
“I don’t think that's a sign of Rona” I said softly,
I mean I was social distancing though I wanted to run,
However I was trying to be a Good Samaritan,  
So I said “You’re having a stroke! I’ll call 9-1-1!”
 
Then she let out a blood curling chilling scream,
More like a howl, or a growl deep from hell,
And I like a dumbass stuck around trying to help,
Until her face and upper body started to swell.
 
She looked up at the moon, her features distorted,
Growing hair everywhere as if she was a were…    
No, it couldn’t be, not two weeks in a row?
As she transformed it gave me a good scare.
 
“Fuck this I’m out” I said trying to run away,
But I felt her chasing me through the park,
And when I turned to look at her again,
Her eyes were now glowing in the dark.
 
By then her nails had turned to huge claws,
As she jumped and pinned me underneath,
The pretty pout she had turned into a snout,
With a salivating mouth full of sharp teeth.
 
There I was on floor ready to go see the Lord,
When I felt a small tree branch by my hand,
I picked up the stick and hit her in the nose with it,
Then she tilted her head as if trying to understand.
 
“You want the stick, stick, stick, stick stupid!”
She sat with her tongue wagging, it was just my luck,
I threw it into the street and she went after it,
But she got hit by an oncoming speeding truck.
 
I heard her yelp, but this time I didn’t help,
Instead I ran my ass home as fast as I could,
I still had to explain to my wife why I was late,
But hey it’s Halloween so she understood.
.
.
.
What’s this? A scratch…

copy and paste this link and listen while reading and as always, thanks for looking 🤗 https://youtube.com/watch?v=zczFoOBe1eQ                  
           
I was alone In my room        
or so I thought,                    
from with under my bed                    
came an unearthly knock                    
                   
stench and filth hovered                   
it started to loom,                    
stifling the air                
from inside of my room                    
                   
then a loud crash exploded                    
and my bed went flying                    
and there they stood                    
there could be no denying                 
                   
disciples of mischief                    
had come to play                    
on this dark cold                    
and dreary day                   
                   
I tried to run                    
but there was no use                    
from inside of my head                    
came all the abuse                
                   
I yelled and I screamed                    
get-out! you must go                    
they laughed in my face                    
then screamed NO__!    
we don’t think so!                    
                   
we are not leaving                    
we are here to stay                    
then it all started                    
they began to play!                    
                   
Jumping, trashing                    
destroying my place                    
Imagine the horror                    
that showed on my face?!                    
                   
paralyzing fear   
It surged through my blood                    
OH MY GOD        
I NEEDED A HUG!                   
                   
A ritual was in order                    
to cleanse my mind                    
I couldn’t see clearly                    
I was running out of time                    
                   
so I thought quick                    
and grabbed my wand                    
banishing those demons!                    
forever begone!                  
                   
                   
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