the 3 button-options for feedback on submissions
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
The Art of Fine Dining
I
A half-circled sun of yolk --
its soft liquid rolling over-easy
onto a pineappled-orange horizon
Wind scrapes the earth
as a butter knife over toast
while grape-jellied plumes
steamed from half-light
perking-a-pot of Sumatra gold
Window sheers became banners
pristine white in surrender;
caterpillar oceans reflected
light and shadowed movement
across the ochred room
Harbored candles shape-shifted
dying upon a basin of bed
and crushed cotton
damp with perspiration
Music absorbed as suds
across a Sakura’d shore
II
Our diaphanous musk became
a sybilline communiqué deciphered
only by a Baroque engraving
A flotilla of sixty questions sought
harbor amid nine answers from
strategic positions we never imagined
They didn't fall as darkness or dew
but held cataleptic in the air
until the tightening garrot
encircling our vast armada of bones collapsed --
swallowing salted breath
in a wave of white-foamed silence
Drowned were a thousand
guttural sounds situated
between two mouths full of
nothing now but teeth
tongues, and taste
~
A half-circled sun of yolk --
its soft liquid rolling over-easy
onto a pineappled-orange horizon
Wind scrapes the earth
as a butter knife over toast
while grape-jellied plumes
steamed from half-light
perking-a-pot of Sumatra gold
Window sheers became banners
pristine white in surrender;
caterpillar oceans reflected
light and shadowed movement
across the ochred room
Harbored candles shape-shifted
dying upon a basin of bed
and crushed cotton
damp with perspiration
Music absorbed as suds
across a Sakura’d shore
II
Our diaphanous musk became
a sybilline communiqué deciphered
only by a Baroque engraving
A flotilla of sixty questions sought
harbor amid nine answers from
strategic positions we never imagined
They didn't fall as darkness or dew
but held cataleptic in the air
until the tightening garrot
encircling our vast armada of bones collapsed --
swallowing salted breath
in a wave of white-foamed silence
Drowned were a thousand
guttural sounds situated
between two mouths full of
nothing now but teeth
tongues, and taste
~
Written by Ahavati
(Tams)
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Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
At least he tried and it as well as his next critique of Ahavati's work were illuminating dialogues.
Critiques dialogues are great for 3rd parties to learn from.
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
JohnnyBlaze said:
At least he tried and it as well as his next critique of Ahavati's work were illuminating dialogues.
Critiques dialogues are great for 3rd parties to learn from.
Yes - trying is what matters. And he had some interesting views and suggestions.
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
That doesn't concern me. Only the critique on my own work did.
At least he tried and it as well as his next critique of Ahavati's work were illuminating dialogues.
Critiques dialogues are great for 3rd parties to learn from.
Yes - trying is what matters. And he had some interesting views and suggestions.
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
That doesn't concern me. Only the critique on my own work did.
It would be a shame if there was no button for 'honest critique' (critique sounds better than criticism, like it or not). There is a 'warning' that you have to be able to handle it - otherwise click 'friendly feedback'.
Tallen's three options are an interesting possibility though - and the power of the choice of words shouldn't be underestimated.
Tallen's three options are an interesting possibility though - and the power of the choice of words shouldn't be underestimated.
You live hidden in the recesses of my mind
A perpetual spoon scraping away at the inside of my heart
My darkness carries you like the wings of an angel
Bringing you from the depths to the surface
We are drawn together by my human nature
Despite all the good there is also an evil within me
I can always hear the sardonic laughter echoing
Your voice will always be ringing in my ear
This desire to inflict pain is born of your hunger
An unquenchable thirst that would drink the world dry
You'll always revel in the fact that I am drawn to you
Because I need you to bring balance to my scales
Once you escape the depths we battle for control
There are times I do not fight you at all
When the red filters through I'm trapped in blissful oblivion
As you rip chunks out of people to sate your primal instinct
Although I hate it you're always close to my core
It's not unusual for you to overwhelm me in the blink of an eye
And though this is something I hate to admit to myself
You and I are actually one and the same
