What is your deepest desire?

I don’t want you to shrink,
to wither away, dust and skin
a ghost carried on drafts
weakness overpowering,
my brittle vessel,
my deflating birthday balloon,
my broken home
mold covered cracking
falling in, sagging at the seams
barely load bearing
collapsing in a rottenwood pile
light debris spreading the memory itself,
discordant, out-of-focus,
details deleting themselves,
not wanting to cause me any trouble.

I want you to impose.
I want you to fill my sight and conquer me.
I want you break me and I don’t want to be fixed.
I want you to be everywhere I go and everyone I meet.
I want you to be be a problem.
I want you to channel the goddess inside of you and make me fearful.
I want to live in your footprints and follow when you whisper.
I want to know that my cries are a grumble barely audible in the wake of your immense hunger, and I want to spit myself over a flame at the snap of a finger.
My glory is oblivion at your golden hands,

I am a reluctant king without armor, a victim of expectation, waiting to be smitten.

As the soft lilac scent of lavender fills the air
I swear I can see a purple hue  
Two beautiful naked bodies  
In view  
Distraction?  
No  
I never been more focused  
Solitude  
Solidified in one singular thought  
The two of you  
Plus me equals 3  
The tantric sound of meditation  
Sensual moans  
Leading to elation  
A triple kiss  
With our tongues intertwined  
Our bodies join together  
With the same goals in mind  
Pleasing two  
While emptying our selfish desire  
Salaciousness  
Adding oxygen to the fire  
Carnal passion  
As we eat each other  
Endorphins increase  
As the lil dragonfly flutters  
Penetration of pussy  
Rock hard phallus, skillful tongue  
Pleasing two is my gift  
Never neglecting to please one  
A chorus of moans  
Groans of symphony  
Climactic expressions  
Orgasms of ecstasy  
A beautiful congruence of love  
Us three in unity  
Magnificent perfection  
When we form our  
Trinity  
 

I don’t want you to shrink,
to wither away, dust and skin
a ghost carried on drafts
weakness overpowering,
my brittle vessel,
my deflating birthday balloon,
my broken home
mold covered cracking
falling in, sagging at the seams
barely load bearing
collapsing in a rottenwood pile
light debris spreading the memory itself,
discordant, out-of-focus,
details deleting themselves,
not wanting to cause me any trouble.

I want you to impose.
I want you to fill my sight and conquer me.
I want you break me and I don’t want to be fixed.
I want you to be everywhere I go and everyone I meet.
I want you to be be a problem.
I want you to channel the goddess inside of you and make me fearful.
I want to live in your footprints and follow when you whisper.
I want to know that my cries are a grumble barely audible in the wake of your immense hunger, and I want to spit myself over a flame at the snap of a finger.
My glory is oblivion at your golden hands,

I am a reluctant king without armor, a victim of expectation, waiting to be smitten.

All my life I see happy couples in merrily bliss.
I wonder will I ever find the love of my life one day and get granted a sealed kiss.
One day having the chance to have your eyes lock with mines.
One day having the chance to be called beautiful and actually knowing you mean it.
Not living my life insecure of how I look.
Not living my life comparing myself to the beautiful girls who graces my television screen.
Not living my life worrying if I'm too fat or too ugly to take the crown as your queen.

I dream of one day being in the arms of someone who can make me forget about my past.
Someone who can help me face my demons and lay them to rest.
Someone who can help me love myself and not regret living.
Someone who can just make me forget about the world and just lay in utter happiness.
Just someone who can help me realize that I can only be happy if I accept myself for who I am.

Oh how I wish I didn't feel so lonely and empty inside.
I hunger to one day feel the warmth of my lovers body over mines.
To feel his breath against my neck as he starts to bite in my flesh.
To feel his hands cover my mouth as a scream and yearn for his affection.
Just to feel like I'm needed and wanted by someone.

I know one day love will come knocking at my door and I will no longer have to wait for it.
I will finally feel the meaning of life and have a reason to live it longer.
I will finally know how it feels to be there for someone and they won't leave.

Love is something I thinking about constantly.
It takes away my sleep and it keeps me up late at night.
Tears dropping on the pillow as I lay desiring to be touched and in someone's embrace.
Anger running in my mind as I think of times guys would play me and act as if I have no feelings.
But i know that God has someone who will be my Superman and swoop me off my feet.
I need love now!!! So the whole in my heart will heal itself.

It's something only you can feel
something people can see
It's not something you hold
but something you hold on to
It's not something you ask for
It's something you just know
It's hard to break once fixed
hard to shake when you living it

It's worth more than anything in the world
and doesn't cost a thing.
It's the best part of yourself, so I heard
I crave more than anything to have selfworth
To know me is to know my story
To know my story I need to know my journey
and to know my journey I need to know self.

I desire myself for once...

I was often hunted
But never gathered.
Ill equipped and without stature
I could not be captured.
My pieces scattered
From the initial shatter.
Though I was always tired
I rarely appeared tattered
But fairly put together
And well dressed for the weather.
But it has never mattered.

It's funny what image does.
Your rotten milk reflection.
When all the flies buzz
Until there is nothing left to eat.
With all of their erections
And rotten meats.
In the askew direction
It is always me
And just my walking feet.
My shoes are new
And my steps are discrete.

I am always alone.
Someone is mocking me.
Someone is gawking at me.
No one is ever there
But God is in my hair.
People will be waiting to knock me down
After the climb
And run away scared.
I am always fine
And I have always cared.
They broke the mold after my design.
It was a faulty composition.
So naturally with time
I am in a lonely position.

The reel steadily unwinds.
The tape is split and cracks.
The picture chops in and out.
I watch them from the back.
The screen at times turns black.

I have always been someone
No one knows anything about.
It is no kept record.
Unnecessary to share.
What is brought to the surface
Rehearsed and watered down.
It could be a blood red ocean
Where I will eventually drown.

I am no one's daughter now.
I am no one's friend.
I am no one's other half.
I am no one's twin.
I am no one's safe place.
I am no one's end.
I am no one's saving grace.
I am no one's sleepy voice.
I am no one's hiding place.
I am no one's first choice.

I am never safe.
My soul is hidden away.
My very last reserve.
To this very day.
Perhaps in this end
Is this what I deserve?
It is for anyone to say.
But tell me when is the end?
And when will I be rebirthed?
How many times over?
We've seen a few lives.
I just want to know when the film is over
So I may return the knives.

When the lights come on
The trash is all about
In the empty room of my heart
Where moths fly around.
Where everyone is gone
And you can't hear a sound.

Something unique still lingers
Outnumbered and overlooked
Like the ugly homeless singer
Society overtook
Like a very frail drug addicted person
Who cowered and shook
Like a very quiet child
Who wanted to read books.

No one wanted to look at the light.
They just needed it to show them the way.
They knew it existed in the night.
They could blend it all together
And live within the grey.
And if they ever lost it
They knew where I stayed.
And it would never cost them
Because I always gave.
They knew I was a giver
Consistent in my apathy.
And though they often lied
They never got it past me.
They knew I was a lover
Who would give little reaction to blasphemy

They knew I would shiver
Like tree branches in the winter wind.
And just when they thought I had
I would never give in.
Alone in my covers
I am slaughtered over again.

That is what they wanted.
The death pits of sin.
The pigs
And how they grunted
And how all they ever wanted
Was the head of the white deer.
The garnet blood rose
Growing in the undertows.
Anything so beautiful
Eyes so crystal clear.
But I will be unimaginable
Kept alive there.
Anything remarkable
Was where they tried to evoke fear.

The ugly human ego
The aggressive war lord.
The motives of the wicked.
The Monopoly board.
Where your friends fell down
And you just wanted to kick them
Because you had to be first
In your invisible competition.
Because you wouldn't see beyond yourself
And your ears weren't built to listen.
However, in this dog eat dog world
I will always glisten.

I have never been an animal
Nor am I a pearl.
I am not a banker.
I am not a soldier.
No I am just a girl.
As I became a woman.
It has been me against this world.
I will not only prevail here
For I have no foul intention
Believe the truth will be unveiled
Hidden in every sentence.

The devil will deny his existence
In his last repentance.
I will cut the head off.
I am the commission.
I will raise the dead up
Like it is in my mission.

I am the cool rain
Upon our scarred backs.
I am the weeds
Growing through the sidewalk cracks.
I am the voice
Of oppression
Medicating our depression.
I am my weight in gold
Where my value cannot lessen.
Even if I am sold
As a sought commodity
In this world of mannequins
I will be an oddity.

The news will come
On the doorstep
The headline
Bold
In black.
The war will be over.
My heart will be resuscitated.
The air will be crisp.
The catch will be empty
with every shot missed.

My God will say
To me
I knew you well
Sit upon your throne.
No longer worry
For your enemies
Their names
I've never known.
Now, come.
Let's drink the ruby wine
My child
Of your blood rose.