Obsessed

i was lost and not found
in the streets i was around
walking like no one sorrounds me

i cried and no one hears me
tears dropped like shattered glass
hoping this pains would end at last

The sun has set
The stars are gone
The darkness is complete.
With tired legs, and hollow heart
The chances all are up.
The day has cast it’s final roll
And I am missing more...

The times we made
The loving touch, burnt brilliant bright and brief.
If I had known, if I had faced
The invincible defeat
For each small piece I should have stayed
And lingered moments longer.
Somehow paid more than I had to give
And traded in my chips.
The little graces, the smallest gestures
More beautiful than all the rest
And opening deeply they marked my heart, every touch and kiss

But I should have seen.
I should have been another man, another time and a different road.
So all the moments, I now recall
Will fade and vanish with my decay
The tears I cry for memories
Will not make them real again.
Still I try, to feel it all, and hold to my soul
In every step of every inch, and each breath and place
I see you with me
And letting go there is no rescue, or salvation to redeem
There is only missing more...

So praise the gods
And curse them all
For the gifts they give, the price to pay.
The plans and schemes were theirs to shape
The choices few, oh they did abound
But came and went with fleeting chance
I could not make the way my own
And so I’m missing more...

And there you sit, there you speak
Across the table
Just a reach away
Your hands are busy with the props
Your fingers strong
Your eyes too deep
Your heart so sweet
But nothing now to keep.

Your voice and words, a lovely tone
They form the shapes, and make make the sounds
Of love and hurt, of place and time you’ve been
But I cannot reach, I cannot speak
For things now said, are simple and too neat
And I can see
And so I know
With aching bones
That it means missing more...

And all the angels
The games they set, and tricks they played
A merry dance in which, acted I a pity part of blind and mute
The lines were set
The scriptures carved
In stones and scattered heaps
They gather round
Their heads bowed low, with graven stoop.
For well they knew
When the music came to silent end
And all is done
And all is spent
And nothing more to speak
That I’d be missing more...

When night is near
And day is on its knees
I long to sleep and drift
But still there is, a little more
I hoped in heart to keep
When you are gone, and I am incomplete
I’m still missing more...

This life but one
Will not have been enough
There was more pain, I wished to seek
And carry it all, I would have done
A beast of burden, his load to bear
For now it’s clear and there is no escape
I’m bound to missing more...

It is not my will, that
in every moment of every day
my tears know your distance
I dream awake
In every place, I see you still
It is not my will...

With every vision conjured
my fabric still
knows your smile
fingers know your skin
My eyes the landscape of your body
breath your presence
my tongue your taste
lips your kisses
My ears your music, and your voice
I bow my head to your caress
Your catching glance and your deep full stare
from under and over
It is not my will...

My heart is full
from knowing you
But shattered sharply are all my thoughts
no death of senses, no numb escape
no dulled or faded edge
of sockets wrenched, flesh’s tattered ends
My fabric knows you still
My stomach cramps, my chest inflates
and it ever aches
Though it is not my will...

But if will were mine
my heart I’d puncture, under Sun
and nail to the tender wood
of the tree called Mercy
high on loves tallest hill

i pour a drink on my glass
i took a sip and remembered my past
i was good and was never been this bad
i was happy and never been this sad
i was the best

i never drink this much
i never took a punch
i bled and cried
why did i become this kind of guy

i became addicted
and destroyed

I wish I had experienced you
Inside and out
When I had the chance

You wanted me
I wanted you
We were naked and wet
From the hot tub

And then we were interrupted
And that was that

No taste, no feel, no smell
To savor in memorium

Only the memory of you
Going out of your way to apologize
For something that never happened

Let me ask:
How do you
Remember that night?

I wish we had finished
The conversation
We were having
With our bodies

strolling on the other side of sanity unknowingly, crossed the barriers to a place where no one plans to be
now I need a sign to show me that I'm still alive a victim of loves betrayal and prisoner to the other side

so many times, I've searched for a friend but found a foe
in my crisis,I've asked for comfort but
some are able to endure the challenge and sustaingot a no
so I cross the bridges of broken hope and plunge into the place where no man's supposed to go
I'm livin life in the ruins of fallen buildings that used to be my intellect but is now forgotten brilliance

so acceptance becomes my shelter and shield to help me cope with the depth of my despair
no one's spirit is meant to be broken but there's a thin line between balanced and hopeless

karma spares no man no matter how determined or focused
there's no resistance once you are chosen
some are able to endure the challenge and sustain
others lose the battle and abandon their brain

now they join me in the realm of the lost
to spend a little time on the wildest ride and take the craziest walk
in a different dimension where competence is unable to survive
now we're strolling in unison, in a place known only as the other side