Poetry competition CLOSED 19th April 2016 4:23pm
WINNER
JohnVincent (JVD)
JohnVincent (JVD)
RUNNERS-UP:
calamitygin
and Hepcat61
Future poetry!
"ULB-5256's Prime Directive"
The war took many things
Many things from many people
Possessions, money, life and love
In descending order.
I was unaffected
For I had nothing to begin with.
No family, no friends, no money, nothing.
And I wouldn't have minded if I was a casualty.
I suppose my nothingness
Could have been taken from me.
If I had lost my life, I might have had something.
But even today, no one knows what happens after your body gives out.
My squadron would be sent on menial missions.
To destroy the last remaining churches, temples, synagogues, mosques.
Only to snuff out the centers for those who still clung to hope.
They were "menial" because there weren't many of those people left.
With the Earth scorched and hope all but a wistful memory
I wondered why, for the first time, I hadn't taken my own life.
It seems unbelievable to live hopeless for so long and never consider it.
But now I fantasized about setting myself on fire, instead of that church.
Days came and days went and nights were spent dreaming of flames.
My throat would hurt from screaming so loud and I liked that.
I would wake up in a blissful daze, the dream replaying in my head.
Then I'd fall asleep again and wake up dreading the tasks before me.
One day, not long after my flame fantasies had begun
The Captain sent our Android unit ahead of us as usual.
Their main use was to scout the area and kill whoever was in our way.
But that day, that day was one I'd never forget.
The Androids hustled ahead and explosions were heard soon after.
The Captain radioed to them but received no answer.
Worry grew wildly on his face as he looked to us.
"ULB-5256... See what the trouble is. This is your prime directive."
I had a feeling I would be the one chosen.
The Captain knew I no longer valued my life.
I had never spoken out loud about it.
But the Captain had a way of just knowing things.
I jumped up, eager and excited as ever.
If I ran ahead and got blown to bits, that would be okay.
If I ran ahead and shot everyone else to bits, that would be fine too.
But I had to see what went down because this was my Prime Directive.
The war took many things
Many things from many people
Possessions, money, life and love
In descending order.
I was unaffected
For I had nothing to begin with.
No family, no friends, no money, nothing.
And I wouldn't have minded if I was a casualty.
I suppose my nothingness
Could have been taken from me.
If I had lost my life, I might have had something.
But even today, no one knows what happens after your body gives out.
My squadron would be sent on menial missions.
To destroy the last remaining churches, temples, synagogues, mosques.
Only to snuff out the centers for those who still clung to hope.
They were "menial" because there weren't many of those people left.
With the Earth scorched and hope all but a wistful memory
I wondered why, for the first time, I hadn't taken my own life.
It seems unbelievable to live hopeless for so long and never consider it.
But now I fantasized about setting myself on fire, instead of that church.
Days came and days went and nights were spent dreaming of flames.
My throat would hurt from screaming so loud and I liked that.
I would wake up in a blissful daze, the dream replaying in my head.
Then I'd fall asleep again and wake up dreading the tasks before me.
One day, not long after my flame fantasies had begun
The Captain sent our Android unit ahead of us as usual.
Their main use was to scout the area and kill whoever was in our way.
But that day, that day was one I'd never forget.
The Androids hustled ahead and explosions were heard soon after.
The Captain radioed to them but received no answer.
Worry grew wildly on his face as he looked to us.
"ULB-5256... See what the trouble is. This is your prime directive."
I had a feeling I would be the one chosen.
The Captain knew I no longer valued my life.
I had never spoken out loud about it.
But the Captain had a way of just knowing things.
I jumped up, eager and excited as ever.
If I ran ahead and got blown to bits, that would be okay.
If I ran ahead and shot everyone else to bits, that would be fine too.
But I had to see what went down because this was my Prime Directive.
Vick, John, Nothern! Thank you for your entries! Great stuff!
This will be a very difficult decision guys! Many great poems here!
There is still time for some more future views. Even if I will suffer to choose a winner, I would love to read more stuff, so put your self in the future and write for the past, the present or the future of the future!
Thank you all!
Art
This will be a very difficult decision guys! Many great poems here!
There is still time for some more future views. Even if I will suffer to choose a winner, I would love to read more stuff, so put your self in the future and write for the past, the present or the future of the future!
Thank you all!
Art
POET
In taking steel that cuts and rends,
Stains blood in dead tree’s skin.
How decadent these ancient tools,
Deliciously spent sin.
In choosing words and bending phase
To have you feel my mind.
To hear my thoughts and sense my touch,
With love in verse defined.
“Her flesh is like the honeyed dawn,
Her love like gentle rains.
Encompassing my world, she comes,
All love’s express contains”
How quaint, when I with simple thoughts
Can bring rooms to their knees.
Projecting subtle strokes and swirls,
Or thrusted moaning pleas.
With sending “feels” from mind to mind,
New worlds of thought create.
With bringing every part to life,
Pleasures unbound await.
Still truth exists in pen and page,
In line, in verse, in rhyme,
In my mind’s eye becoming yours.
A form that transcends time.
In taking steel that cuts and rends,
Stains blood in dead tree’s skin.
How decadent these ancient tools,
Deliciously spent sin.
In choosing words and bending phase
To have you feel my mind.
To hear my thoughts and sense my touch,
With love in verse defined.
“Her flesh is like the honeyed dawn,
Her love like gentle rains.
Encompassing my world, she comes,
All love’s express contains”
How quaint, when I with simple thoughts
Can bring rooms to their knees.
Projecting subtle strokes and swirls,
Or thrusted moaning pleas.
With sending “feels” from mind to mind,
New worlds of thought create.
With bringing every part to life,
Pleasures unbound await.
Still truth exists in pen and page,
In line, in verse, in rhyme,
In my mind’s eye becoming yours.
A form that transcends time.
Thank you all for participating in this comp! I hope you enjoyed the experience!
I just wanna give some feedback to some of you and explain my decision for the winner and runner-up.
Russiamagda – This was a great poem, I had the picture while reading it and I liked your play with the horse and the apple. I am not a real fun of the many adjectives you used here before the nouns, but this is subjective, as there are many people who really love them, hehe! The problem is that I struggle to see a view from the future in your poem… Thank you very much anyway and welcome to DUP!!
DecipherMe – This was certainly an interesting text but I fail to see a poem here. Thank you very much for sharing your thought with us.
Chump and lepperochan – Lol!! You both made me laugh a lot! “MAN ZOO” could be a future poem but “Poetry whore'd [ the P factor ] “ I think is more from the past, lol! Thank you for these poems guys.
Phoenix_Risen – This could be a future poem. I liked the idea of simply controlling the creation, deletion, correction. This could be an angry person or computer (depends how you choose to read the poem), so I liked the double reading as well. It is a bit closed poem though and you say “dream of the future” at the end so I realize that this a poem for the future and not from the future… Thank you very much for your poem.
Jade – Here it seems that we have two different poems:
One finishes here,
“The crafts...
* ...and taught. “
And then it’s the other one.
The first part, I see it like describing history for future kids. I like the idea that music could disappear and it is very scary… It is very nice, but I miss to see future feelings/emotions, being in the future, a situation from the future and stuff. I fail to see a poem as well. The second part is a poem. It is a bit superficial (in a good meaning) and a bit generic I would say. I miss the feelings of a situation and I don’t see it in the future that much, it could be written today I think. It is a great poem though and thank you so much!
Dejure – This is a future poem and has the melancholy inside as you go down to the poem. Loved the verse “wondering how a rain would feel on my skin”! I would prefer it with less philosophy as I feel that in the future philosophy will not have a place unfortunately… I don’t know If I agree with last stanza. Kids copy other kids I think and all depends on the families and in the future I feel that there would be so much manipulation that it would be very difficult to create personalities. Thank you very much for your poem, it made me think.
Northern1 – Thank you for your poem. Besides it is small, I get what you wanna say. I miss emotions and again I think it’s for the future and not from the future. I really liked it though. Thank you!
Runners-up
Hepcat61 – Geoff, this is certainly a future poem from a future poet! I loved the play with the mind/thoughts/love and the truth that will always exist in pen and page! Congratulations and thank you very much for this great poem.
Jen – I loved this writing! This was a moment from the future. Maybe you think it’s not a poem, but the only thing missing is the structure and to take out the “comments” that you have in parenthesis (which I loved here). As I told you before, I loved the idea of “speaking”. This is certainly something that could disappear in the future. I wanted to see something like that. I really like the detailed description of the mouth/saliva/tongue, it gave me the feeling that the tongue is the weirdest thing ever, lol!
Great play in the verse “So he can show you where he's cummin from.... “, amazing! Congratulations and thank you again for this great trip!
Winner…
JohnVincent
Well, this is a complete future poem. I think that everybody will agree with me. I give you my sincere congratulations for this poem. I read it all over again and again. There is a base in the poem, followed without fail. Flame fantasies/setting myself on fire/dreaming of flames… I was almost feeling that I was on fire through the whole poem… I like that you choose to keep the fire, being in the future. After describing your feelings, you enter perfectly to the subject of the poem, a situation that happened. I was expecting from someone to write me a code for a name and you did it. You present future feelings/powers “the Captain had a way of just knowing things”. Well done!
I am amazed with the idea that the future kids will be born for a reason, with a prime directive. I hope I got it right… That their lives will have no meaning until the time comes to fulfill their prime directive… This was so clever… You wrote a complete future poem, I felt all of it. You finish with two possibilities, a fifty - fifty situation that at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what will happen for you. Loved it. You deserved this win. Congratulations and thank you very much for this experience you made me live and the thoughts created in my head.
Thank you all!! I just had time to give a feedback to everybody this time and I think the feedback is what we are looking for. Hope you enjoyed it!
Kisses,
Art
I just wanna give some feedback to some of you and explain my decision for the winner and runner-up.
Russiamagda – This was a great poem, I had the picture while reading it and I liked your play with the horse and the apple. I am not a real fun of the many adjectives you used here before the nouns, but this is subjective, as there are many people who really love them, hehe! The problem is that I struggle to see a view from the future in your poem… Thank you very much anyway and welcome to DUP!!
DecipherMe – This was certainly an interesting text but I fail to see a poem here. Thank you very much for sharing your thought with us.
Chump and lepperochan – Lol!! You both made me laugh a lot! “MAN ZOO” could be a future poem but “Poetry whore'd [ the P factor ] “ I think is more from the past, lol! Thank you for these poems guys.
Phoenix_Risen – This could be a future poem. I liked the idea of simply controlling the creation, deletion, correction. This could be an angry person or computer (depends how you choose to read the poem), so I liked the double reading as well. It is a bit closed poem though and you say “dream of the future” at the end so I realize that this a poem for the future and not from the future… Thank you very much for your poem.
Jade – Here it seems that we have two different poems:
One finishes here,
“The crafts...
* ...and taught. “
And then it’s the other one.
The first part, I see it like describing history for future kids. I like the idea that music could disappear and it is very scary… It is very nice, but I miss to see future feelings/emotions, being in the future, a situation from the future and stuff. I fail to see a poem as well. The second part is a poem. It is a bit superficial (in a good meaning) and a bit generic I would say. I miss the feelings of a situation and I don’t see it in the future that much, it could be written today I think. It is a great poem though and thank you so much!
Dejure – This is a future poem and has the melancholy inside as you go down to the poem. Loved the verse “wondering how a rain would feel on my skin”! I would prefer it with less philosophy as I feel that in the future philosophy will not have a place unfortunately… I don’t know If I agree with last stanza. Kids copy other kids I think and all depends on the families and in the future I feel that there would be so much manipulation that it would be very difficult to create personalities. Thank you very much for your poem, it made me think.
Northern1 – Thank you for your poem. Besides it is small, I get what you wanna say. I miss emotions and again I think it’s for the future and not from the future. I really liked it though. Thank you!
Runners-up
Hepcat61 – Geoff, this is certainly a future poem from a future poet! I loved the play with the mind/thoughts/love and the truth that will always exist in pen and page! Congratulations and thank you very much for this great poem.
Jen – I loved this writing! This was a moment from the future. Maybe you think it’s not a poem, but the only thing missing is the structure and to take out the “comments” that you have in parenthesis (which I loved here). As I told you before, I loved the idea of “speaking”. This is certainly something that could disappear in the future. I wanted to see something like that. I really like the detailed description of the mouth/saliva/tongue, it gave me the feeling that the tongue is the weirdest thing ever, lol!
Great play in the verse “So he can show you where he's cummin from.... “, amazing! Congratulations and thank you again for this great trip!
Winner…
JohnVincent
Well, this is a complete future poem. I think that everybody will agree with me. I give you my sincere congratulations for this poem. I read it all over again and again. There is a base in the poem, followed without fail. Flame fantasies/setting myself on fire/dreaming of flames… I was almost feeling that I was on fire through the whole poem… I like that you choose to keep the fire, being in the future. After describing your feelings, you enter perfectly to the subject of the poem, a situation that happened. I was expecting from someone to write me a code for a name and you did it. You present future feelings/powers “the Captain had a way of just knowing things”. Well done!
I am amazed with the idea that the future kids will be born for a reason, with a prime directive. I hope I got it right… That their lives will have no meaning until the time comes to fulfill their prime directive… This was so clever… You wrote a complete future poem, I felt all of it. You finish with two possibilities, a fifty - fifty situation that at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what will happen for you. Loved it. You deserved this win. Congratulations and thank you very much for this experience you made me live and the thoughts created in my head.
Thank you all!! I just had time to give a feedback to everybody this time and I think the feedback is what we are looking for. Hope you enjoyed it!
Kisses,
Art
Art, I appreciate your thoughts on all of the entries, you spelled everything out most reasonably where it makes sense, especially coming from the point of view as the host. And here's what I had just said to someone moments before you posted the results:
"...my long-winded poem that I let get away from me, when all it really shows is a woman who has begun to find poetic expression as muse discovers her in return."
Now, having said that, let me toss garlands green onto the heads of those who placed in this fine competition that Art steered well through pitfalls and gullies. My congratulations to John, Jen and Geoff... for the wonderful interpretations of host Art's theme!🏆👏
--Jadey💐
"...my long-winded poem that I let get away from me, when all it really shows is a woman who has begun to find poetic expression as muse discovers her in return."
Now, having said that, let me toss garlands green onto the heads of those who placed in this fine competition that Art steered well through pitfalls and gullies. My congratulations to John, Jen and Geoff... for the wonderful interpretations of host Art's theme!🏆👏
--Jadey💐
This was a ball...thanks you sweet thing for diggin my strange trip into the future in naughty mind and rhyme...
It was a poem...and the parenthesis were parts i loved...
I was influenced by 1984...and "thought crimes." big brother watching and taking away our rights to free think and speak...
And the utter ecstasy of free speech as seductive gift if it were ever taken away....the sound off tongue as a sexual requiem....
We underestimate the value of words and free thought. Our words are priceless. When stolen...a crime.
Awesome work everyone!!
Geoff...J Vincent....big high fives...
Art...big smooch!
It was a poem...and the parenthesis were parts i loved...
I was influenced by 1984...and "thought crimes." big brother watching and taking away our rights to free think and speak...
And the utter ecstasy of free speech as seductive gift if it were ever taken away....the sound off tongue as a sexual requiem....
We underestimate the value of words and free thought. Our words are priceless. When stolen...a crime.
Awesome work everyone!!
Geoff...J Vincent....big high fives...
Art...big smooch!
Thanks Art!
My problem was that I thought it could also be from the past,and I did the Wild West, and I did use adjectives before nouns, making it a blander poem. I am very thankful for your advice and will definitely keep in mind. With that, thank you :)
My problem was that I thought it could also be from the past,and I did the Wild West, and I did use adjectives before nouns, making it a blander poem. I am very thankful for your advice and will definitely keep in mind. With that, thank you :)
Artemios said:
Thank you all!! I just had time to give a feedback to everybody this time and I think the feedback is what we are looking for. Hope you enjoyed it!
Kisses,
Art
Thank you, Art for hosting such an interesting competition... And for getting us all to think about how poetry might evolve...
JohnVincent and Jen, really excellent work. Congratulations!
I really appreciate all who shared their words and interpretations of the concept.
Thanks to you all,
geoff
Thank you all!! I just had time to give a feedback to everybody this time and I think the feedback is what we are looking for. Hope you enjoyed it!
Kisses,
Art
Thank you, Art for hosting such an interesting competition... And for getting us all to think about how poetry might evolve...
JohnVincent and Jen, really excellent work. Congratulations!
I really appreciate all who shared their words and interpretations of the concept.
Thanks to you all,
geoff
