The Oil Stone Workshop - Triolet
The Oil Stone Workshop - Triolet:
A while ago lepperochan [aka "Mister I love french poets with tight verse"] ran a cool knockout poetry comp, where he introduced me and others to the Triolet in one of the challenges. I'll admit, I'm not into writing rhyming verse much these days, but the Triolet offered something quite unique, and once I started to get my head around the rhyme scheme, I realised the Triolet was a lot more complex then it appeared.
For those of you who are not familiar with this form of kick-ass French renaissance poetry, wikipedia neatly sums it up in the following words:
Triolet - A poem of eight lines, typically of eight syllables each, rhyming ABAAABAB and so structured that the first line recurs as the fourth and seventh and the second as the eighth.
For a more in depth look at the Triolet, the tricky little French verse consists of the following:
- 8 lines in total with a two rhyme rhyming scheme [e.g. ABAAABAB], with 5 of the 8 lines repeated or refrain lines;
- The first line repeats at the 4th and 7th lines and the second line repeats at the 8th line;
- What gives the Triolet a tight lyrical feel when spoken is the intricate rhyme scheme:
A - [Line 1]
B - [Line 2]
A - Rhymes with Line 1
A - Identical to Line 1
A - Rhymes with Line 1
B - Rhymes with Line 2
A - Identical to Line 1
B - Identical to Line 2
I'll now hand the workshop over to the members of DU. I want you all to have a crack at writing a Triolet, post the poem here if you like honest feedback, perhaps teach us some tricks, or even post examples of Triolets written by other poets, either from DU or dead poets you stumbled across, and tell us why you think it's a kick-ass example of a Triolet.
Also, make sure you check out the TRIOLET RIOT poetry comp. I'll post the link here shortly...
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/8230/ ...there ya go!
A while ago lepperochan [aka "Mister I love french poets with tight verse"] ran a cool knockout poetry comp, where he introduced me and others to the Triolet in one of the challenges. I'll admit, I'm not into writing rhyming verse much these days, but the Triolet offered something quite unique, and once I started to get my head around the rhyme scheme, I realised the Triolet was a lot more complex then it appeared.
For those of you who are not familiar with this form of kick-ass French renaissance poetry, wikipedia neatly sums it up in the following words:
Triolet - A poem of eight lines, typically of eight syllables each, rhyming ABAAABAB and so structured that the first line recurs as the fourth and seventh and the second as the eighth.
For a more in depth look at the Triolet, the tricky little French verse consists of the following:
- 8 lines in total with a two rhyme rhyming scheme [e.g. ABAAABAB], with 5 of the 8 lines repeated or refrain lines;
- The first line repeats at the 4th and 7th lines and the second line repeats at the 8th line;
- What gives the Triolet a tight lyrical feel when spoken is the intricate rhyme scheme:
A - [Line 1]
B - [Line 2]
A - Rhymes with Line 1
A - Identical to Line 1
A - Rhymes with Line 1
B - Rhymes with Line 2
A - Identical to Line 1
B - Identical to Line 2
I'll now hand the workshop over to the members of DU. I want you all to have a crack at writing a Triolet, post the poem here if you like honest feedback, perhaps teach us some tricks, or even post examples of Triolets written by other poets, either from DU or dead poets you stumbled across, and tell us why you think it's a kick-ass example of a Triolet.
Also, make sure you check out the TRIOLET RIOT poetry comp. I'll post the link here shortly...
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/8230/ ...there ya go!
I'm gonna have to sit this one out--I'm right in the middle of a summer-long online course for teaching, as well as studying for a specialist's certification exam in Blood Banking. No time to devote to this, in the way of joining the comp, but if the French fail you as judges, I'll offer to represent the Finns and Native Americans at the scoreboard. :D
and there is nothing set in stone
like trauma chiseled on a face
lacquered with blood and crushed bone
and there is nothing set in stone
like trespass of a special place
and there's nothing is set in stone
like trauma chiseled on a face
..just a quick one there to have a go, it's been years I think. I suppose it helps if you start off with a conjunction and don't intend saying a whole lot, cos basically you've got to say it in four lines. I have a kinda process. get the first couplet so you have
line one
line two
line one
line one
line two
as a template, then fill the other three lines in. chop and change to get coherent continuity
simples
like trauma chiseled on a face
lacquered with blood and crushed bone
and there is nothing set in stone
like trespass of a special place
and there's nothing is set in stone
like trauma chiseled on a face
..just a quick one there to have a go, it's been years I think. I suppose it helps if you start off with a conjunction and don't intend saying a whole lot, cos basically you've got to say it in four lines. I have a kinda process. get the first couplet so you have
line one
line two
line one
line one
line two
as a template, then fill the other three lines in. chop and change to get coherent continuity
simples
That's a real cool piece, Craic, and great tips, too, using a conjunction as the first word in the first line.I agree, the first line of a Triolet is super critical how it binds and propels the flow of the piece at the same time, and I think your piece is a great example how to nail it.
cheers good fellow.
it was Jack Heslop introduced me to them not long after I joined the site. I think he ran a competition too. I found it very tricky and somewhat maddening with all the rules, schemes and syllable count. still do, but not so much as the first couple
it was Jack Heslop introduced me to them not long after I joined the site. I think he ran a competition too. I found it very tricky and somewhat maddening with all the rules, schemes and syllable count. still do, but not so much as the first couple
here is my first attempt. i tried to stick with the comp theme of conflict. not sure i succeeded.
because she was so exhausted
she closed her eyes to the pale earth
her hands trembled, in tears frosted
because she was so exhausted
her red, beating heart accosted
the bleak time had come to give birth
because she was so exhausted
she closed her eyes to the pale earth
because she was so exhausted
she closed her eyes to the pale earth
her hands trembled, in tears frosted
because she was so exhausted
her red, beating heart accosted
the bleak time had come to give birth
because she was so exhausted
she closed her eyes to the pale earth
i placed an order for a book of Thomas Hardy's poems that features the triolet. so while i was waiting on that, i decided to do a bit of googling for triolets. i found this one by Marie Summers that i fell in love with.
The Stars Will Shine
Don’t hold your breath, the stars will shine.
Make your wishes, and close your eyes;
Tonight’s bright view will be divine.
Don’t hold your breath, the stars will shine
And wink with the planets of nine
While starships zip through the night skies.
Don’t hold your breath, the stars will shine.
Make your wishes, and close your eyes.
the subject matter, is dear to my heart. so of course i was drawn to it. but more than anything, i'm enjoying reading triolets because they capture a micro-moment in time. like a photograph without any back story.
because of their restrictions, it forces me/the writer to condense and pull in. cut out everything that is not necessary and look at a tiny moment in time.
The Stars Will Shine
Don’t hold your breath, the stars will shine.
Make your wishes, and close your eyes;
Tonight’s bright view will be divine.
Don’t hold your breath, the stars will shine
And wink with the planets of nine
While starships zip through the night skies.
Don’t hold your breath, the stars will shine.
Make your wishes, and close your eyes.
the subject matter, is dear to my heart. so of course i was drawn to it. but more than anything, i'm enjoying reading triolets because they capture a micro-moment in time. like a photograph without any back story.
because of their restrictions, it forces me/the writer to condense and pull in. cut out everything that is not necessary and look at a tiny moment in time.
another go...
birthing anger
babes with anger do not exist.
independent thought comes later.
tiny brains absorb without miss,
babes with anger do not exist.
silver spoons and hate in their fists,
forged by their earthly creator.
babes with anger do not exist.
independent thought comes later.
birthing anger
babes with anger do not exist.
independent thought comes later.
tiny brains absorb without miss,
babes with anger do not exist.
silver spoons and hate in their fists,
forged by their earthly creator.
babes with anger do not exist.
independent thought comes later.
i knew nothing of the triolet before jumping into this. here are a few links that i found helpful. just in case anyone else wants to look around.
http://www.writing-world.com/poetry/triolet.shtml
http://www.baymoon.com/~ariadne/form/triolet.htm
http://www.writing-world.com/poetry/triolet.shtml
http://www.baymoon.com/~ariadne/form/triolet.htm
Anonymous
Ok, this is to go along side my entry. I bought this book, in a second hand bookstore - "The Calipatria Triolets" by Vassar W. Smith.
http://i1072.photobucket.com/albums/w371/missysub/triolet1_zpslkbkalvs.jpg
The triolet I chose was this:
Diabolos by Vassar W. Smith
In Greek the three words are the same:
Accuser, devil, slanderer;
And all three terms apply to her.
In Greek the three words are the same.
To all her lies against my name,
One truth in answer I aver:
In Greek the three words are the same --
Accuser, devil, slanderer.
I've read the whole book of triolets that I purchased now, and this is the one that jumped out at me the most. What I was initially scared of doing was using punctuation, as it felt like it should be one continuous thought. However, this is the piece that made me feel like it was OK to do so. I'm particularly fond of the way some lines are broken up into two or three parts, which make each point drive into the mind of the reader in separate bite size chunks. It's also quite a clever tactic to repeat the line "in Greek the 3 words are the same" which drums home those three words without trying. This is also reflected in the fact that every line starts with a capital letter which almost makes them separate thoughts, another interesting technique I would have avoided somewhat in every day writing. I've tried to apply this technique to writing my own triolet. The triolet that inspired me rocks because if the title of this was a tree, then the lines that follow would be its angry roots. It's a glorious continuation of theme, that makes you feel anger and bitterness without trying too hard. It holds a direct reflection of the man that wrote it and I really think that connects you as a reader. I have therefore tried to apply these techniques to my own entry:
Conflict
There is a line that's drawn in blood,
Where feet drum Earth to metal suns
They drag their bodies through the mud
There is a line that's drawn in blood.
White flags, they bloom, a tiny bud
To stop the flaming fire of guns,
There is a line that's drawn in blood
Where feet drum Earth to metal suns.
http://i1072.photobucket.com/albums/w371/missysub/triolet1_zpslkbkalvs.jpg
The triolet I chose was this:
Diabolos by Vassar W. Smith
In Greek the three words are the same:
Accuser, devil, slanderer;
And all three terms apply to her.
In Greek the three words are the same.
To all her lies against my name,
One truth in answer I aver:
In Greek the three words are the same --
Accuser, devil, slanderer.
I've read the whole book of triolets that I purchased now, and this is the one that jumped out at me the most. What I was initially scared of doing was using punctuation, as it felt like it should be one continuous thought. However, this is the piece that made me feel like it was OK to do so. I'm particularly fond of the way some lines are broken up into two or three parts, which make each point drive into the mind of the reader in separate bite size chunks. It's also quite a clever tactic to repeat the line "in Greek the 3 words are the same" which drums home those three words without trying. This is also reflected in the fact that every line starts with a capital letter which almost makes them separate thoughts, another interesting technique I would have avoided somewhat in every day writing. I've tried to apply this technique to writing my own triolet. The triolet that inspired me rocks because if the title of this was a tree, then the lines that follow would be its angry roots. It's a glorious continuation of theme, that makes you feel anger and bitterness without trying too hard. It holds a direct reflection of the man that wrote it and I really think that connects you as a reader. I have therefore tried to apply these techniques to my own entry:
Conflict
There is a line that's drawn in blood,
Where feet drum Earth to metal suns
They drag their bodies through the mud
There is a line that's drawn in blood.
White flags, they bloom, a tiny bud
To stop the flaming fire of guns,
There is a line that's drawn in blood
Where feet drum Earth to metal suns.
