Do You Know Jim Nut Roarin?  A Quick Questionaire.  (***FILLER/LONG***)

***Some Objectionable Content***  
 
 
 
1) There seems to have been a decline in Jim Nut Roarin's academic performance and social morals over the last few years.  What was the likely event where things first went wrong?  
 
(A)  He tore up his Honour Roll on the gym stage, telling all the teachers, students and school board trustees his opinions on the current education system.  
(B)  He went for walks at lunch with a few colleagues breathing in things that shouldn't be breathed in.  
(C)  He started dreaming of women and talking about how the Christian Science explanation of God would let him do anything without consequence.  
(D)  He neglected his math assignments to write poetry all night buzzed on Slurpee.  
 
 
2) Where did Jim Nut Roarin first get puke drunk wasted as shit?  
 
(A)  At house parties in highschool like everyone else.  
(B)  Out skiing the mountains of British Columbia.  
(C)  While long boarding through the city of Toronto.  
(D)  Barefoot and open shirted down the hotel hallways of Las Vegas.  
(E)  Pissing and kicking at the waves all night with a bottle of Tanqueray off the rocky coast of Monterey.  
 
 
3) Jim Nut Roarin seems to have a relatively clean driving record.  But what would be his most memorable infraction?  
 
(A)  Driving in reverse against traffic going off to the sides on a busy suburb street being chased by an angry minivan driver in hot pursuit.  
(B)  Driving on a bottle of Robitussin DM through the windy gravel mine roads of Northern Quebec.  
(C)  The Cedar Hill Corner, fifth gear in the grey Volvo at +150km/hr, any season and condition.  
(D)  Driving crazed drunkenly over meridians and shit in Las Vegas, like the mad sports writer and his attorney.  
 
 
4) After Jim Nut Roarin returned from the Yukon Territory he performed some questionable feats in front of others.  What would be his most dangerous and symbolic act?  
 
(A)  Stumbling all night through complete darkness in a straight line through farm, swamp and forest while wearing a suit and tie on acid.  
(B)  Standing on a desk in the middle of exams spewing poetry while waving a cardboard crucifix to a room full of first year psychology students.  
(C)  Offering two artistic protester types chocolate truffles on his bed mattress.  
(D)  Holding a house party with a fishbowl full of free mushrooms, plus theme rooms, black n white static tvs, games, prizes and overcooked ostrich meat.  
 
 
5) Speaking of that Yukon Trip, a questionable change of personality seemed to have occurred to Jim Nut Roarin.  Just what the hell happened up there?  
 
(A)  Devils crawled out of the stones to battle the Angels descending from the clouds.  
(B)  He heard countless albums of unsung blues songs in his troubled head.  
(C)  He drank strange teas and bathed in creeks with homeless backpackers.  
(D)  He was told by the Invisible Voice not to tell what happened up there.  
 
 
6) At any time of the year, including winter, it is probable that Jim Nut Roarin isn't wearing underwear.  
 
(A)  True  
(B)  False  
(C)  You don't want to know...  
 
 
7) Who are you?  (you, the one filling out this form)  
 
(A)  A friend.  
(B)  A tax collector.  
(C)  A telemarketer.  
(D)  A hard drinking Irish or Scottish or Irish-Scottish Mix Breed.  
 
 
8) Tell us a bit about yourself.  (you again, the one filling out this form)  
 
(A)  You drive a Honda, wear Kangol hats and listen to The Bare Naked Ladies.  
(B)  You don't fit in.  
(C)  You play football, work out, go to clubs and parties with your girlfriend/boyfriend.  
(D)  Your father is a doctor, you are a lawyer, you nailed the secretary and have won awards.  
 
 
9) Due to his unpredictable living schedule and marginal bodily freshness, what could possibly have been Jim Nut Roarin's first intimate encounter with the female race?  
 
(A)  The clotheless angelic presence in purple fluctuations from the pages of Aegean Mythology.  
(B)  The professional massage therapist from the city of Toronto.  
(C)  The single ex-model mother from the mountains of BC.  
(D)  The petite clarinetist met in a bar while he was reading Il Paradiso.  
(E)  The grunge french chick from the back row of Calculus in Montreal.  
(F)  Those two during that amateur gang-bang porn shoot while blacked out on coke, ecstasy, ketamine, vodka drinks and GHB.  
(H)  Not telling...  
 
 
10) What is Jim Nut Roarin most likely to do next with his life?  
 
(A)  Tell the Dean of the University that it is better to smoke crack than study and learn.  
(B)  Run through a mall naked screaming “I need heroin!”  
(C)  Condone empirical capitalism in a solo protest outside an environmentalist agency.  
(D)  Get good marks, find a job, marry, buy a house, raise 2.5 kids and pay all his taxes on time.  
 
 
 
 
 
 
Answers: 1) D, 2) E, 3) A, 4) B, 5) D, 6) C, 7) D, 8) B, 9) H, 10) D