deepundergroundpoetry.com
in moments thoughts of god creep in
The sky is angry
violent trembles are shedding its breast
in a feeble attempt to reach for everything
that never had a pulse begin to quake
in fear of a guttural response from deft vocal chords
one that festers the rain to cry out
in a pain I've grown to shelter
sputtering
stuttering
racking the underbelly of nothing
yet inviting a tectonic shift lowly demons can never witness
and if there is a heaven
beyond all the whore stars and misplaced childhood dreams
I know it's spleen was cracked straight down the middle
the jugular has been split instantaneously
and the bellows of naked redemption
hang tired upon meat hooks soaked in penance
it's barring apt tattoos prostituted by the (un)justified
and painting a car crash I have yet to suffocate
so why do I find comfort in it's sandpaper language
stroking me raw in a sirens tease
when I decided I hated the sound of music years ago
even though I still listen to post grunge and dying faith
like I'll find that salvaged apathy lost on a sinners tongue
violent trembles are shedding its breast
in a feeble attempt to reach for everything
that never had a pulse begin to quake
in fear of a guttural response from deft vocal chords
one that festers the rain to cry out
in a pain I've grown to shelter
sputtering
stuttering
racking the underbelly of nothing
yet inviting a tectonic shift lowly demons can never witness
and if there is a heaven
beyond all the whore stars and misplaced childhood dreams
I know it's spleen was cracked straight down the middle
the jugular has been split instantaneously
and the bellows of naked redemption
hang tired upon meat hooks soaked in penance
it's barring apt tattoos prostituted by the (un)justified
and painting a car crash I have yet to suffocate
so why do I find comfort in it's sandpaper language
stroking me raw in a sirens tease
when I decided I hated the sound of music years ago
even though I still listen to post grunge and dying faith
like I'll find that salvaged apathy lost on a sinners tongue
Published 10th Sep 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 7
reads 786
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th Sep 2013 8:19am
This was originally intended for the redemption comp but after reading it I decided it was too alcohol laced to enter. Tear it to shreds.
Anonymous
10th Sep 2013 9:50am
Please do enter it, it's beautiful.
I especially like the phrase 'sandpaper language' - I could feel it rubbing uncomfortably against my tongue as I read it out loud.
Thank you for the read.
I especially like the phrase 'sandpaper language' - I could feel it rubbing uncomfortably against my tongue as I read it out loud.
Thank you for the read.
10th Sep 2013 11:35am
Hidden contextually in the constructions are the language game of how to create a firewall against being human: The code is that by daily confessing and wiping the slate clean we can be whole and pure, until then next moment, when we repeat the process, thereby making a pseudo exit for our grief over our failings in the light of the system, and then we are on the religion treadmill. This is the sandpaper part. Rather, feel yourself loved unconditionally, and no matter how human you are, you are without condition still loved. These two formulate the difference between religion, seeking a reward, and the spiritual, seeking understanding.
10th Sep 2013 12:30pm
10th Sep 2013 1:41pm
Overrall, there's too many words, fuck the helper words Kourt. Make it short, clear and concise, like a Chi-Town Curb Stomp. I like the repetition of the 'sp' sounding words, works nicely. You'd benefit well from an internal rhyming scheme, it'll benefit that smooth, free verse flow you appear to be striving for here. I can tell you're trying, which is good. And it's sounding pretty good, if we're to take in your progression, you don't really need me here. But I'm happy to help my favourite southern chick. Aha
There's some good shit in here, real good shit. Imagery and metaphors are working nicely, you could be a little more consistent on them though, internal rhyming with a hint of personification rounded off with a metaphor has a nice tri factor effect happening and adds the pack to the punch you're wanting with your work. I could go on, and on. And on, but I think you just need to work on some internal rhyming, keep it subtle and sharp, and stay away from the AA and AB bullshit, haha.
Well done Kourt, it's a good piece. Just keep doing what you're doing. I'll kick the bucket along with you.
There's some good shit in here, real good shit. Imagery and metaphors are working nicely, you could be a little more consistent on them though, internal rhyming with a hint of personification rounded off with a metaphor has a nice tri factor effect happening and adds the pack to the punch you're wanting with your work. I could go on, and on. And on, but I think you just need to work on some internal rhyming, keep it subtle and sharp, and stay away from the AA and AB bullshit, haha.
Well done Kourt, it's a good piece. Just keep doing what you're doing. I'll kick the bucket along with you.
10th Sep 2013 2:15pm
"If there's a heaven beyond all the whore stars and childhood dreams
That right there is gold! I love it!
Cool poem I dig it :)
That right there is gold! I love it!
Cool poem I dig it :)
12th Sep 2013 12:06pm
it's barring apt tattoos prostituted by the (un)justified
and painting a car crash I have yet to suffocate
i feel like a douchbag commenting lately so i'm jus gonna say i like it and i really like that line.
good stuff courtney...
and painting a car crash I have yet to suffocate
i feel like a douchbag commenting lately so i'm jus gonna say i like it and i really like that line.
good stuff courtney...
