Poetry competition CLOSED 3rd September 2015 9:32pm
WINNER
calamitygin (Jennifer Michael McCurry)
calamitygin (Jennifer Michael McCurry)
RUNNERS-UP:
crimsin
and Thunderhorse14
Ending Self Destruction
Digging deeper for Me
long stares into the fading sun
within my mind
desperately shifting among dead leaves
on vague path in memories
buried beneath layers of pain
I look for me, the real me
I remember many yellow sunrises
and glorious hues of sunsets
were they real
I am lost in this darkness
the flame of my memory fading
living an existence of repeated breath
like a fixed crystal pirouetting ballerina
I am lost...a maze repeated
I am digging deeper to find me
lost somewhere
within life's charade
but I feel like I am drowning
I am lost.
long stares into the fading sun
within my mind
desperately shifting among dead leaves
on vague path in memories
buried beneath layers of pain
I look for me, the real me
I remember many yellow sunrises
and glorious hues of sunsets
were they real
I am lost in this darkness
the flame of my memory fading
living an existence of repeated breath
like a fixed crystal pirouetting ballerina
I am lost...a maze repeated
I am digging deeper to find me
lost somewhere
within life's charade
but I feel like I am drowning
I am lost.
On The Rocks
I see you standing
on the shore of tranquility
where lavendar moons shine bright
and maroon kisses touch lightly upon your skin
You silently call to me
as I stand at the edge of a cliff
prepared to jump into a whiskey filled ocean yet again
where I drown in my own despair
You beckon to me
with an outstrected hand
loving me as a brother
I am broken and bruised
having crashed against the rocks
of this turmultous sea of booze one more time
You gently help me to my feet
with tender words of encouragement
walk me to the shore of peace
lie me on the beach where I can rest
Show me the stepping stones
that lead me from my self inflicted pain
I tell you my feet are too shakey to walk this path
with fierce yet gentle determination you tell me
We will walk it together!
I see you standing
on the shore of tranquility
where lavendar moons shine bright
and maroon kisses touch lightly upon your skin
You silently call to me
as I stand at the edge of a cliff
prepared to jump into a whiskey filled ocean yet again
where I drown in my own despair
You beckon to me
with an outstrected hand
loving me as a brother
I am broken and bruised
having crashed against the rocks
of this turmultous sea of booze one more time
You gently help me to my feet
with tender words of encouragement
walk me to the shore of peace
lie me on the beach where I can rest
Show me the stepping stones
that lead me from my self inflicted pain
I tell you my feet are too shakey to walk this path
with fierce yet gentle determination you tell me
We will walk it together!
Crimsin, you have written a heart-encouraging portrait of unconditional love, compassion and acceptance...would that we all had someone in our lives to talk us down from our cliffs of despair. Thank you so much for sharing.
Recovery
What is happening?
I'm still grappling
But there is nothing
That'll take all the hate
that you made
or remove the sting
Of the words that I heard
When I learned
You were leaving me.
See this me?
This me that I want you to see?
This me that I'm willing to be
That is on my knees
Just so you'll love me
I can't fill this hole inside me
I need God to guide me
And though he's always beside me
I feel he can't find me
When its me who is blindly
Stumbling and trying
To find my way winding
But so seldom finding
Whatever it takes
To mend my mistakes
And heal all the breaks
That I've made to my own heart
The divot you left in my pillow
is nothing compared to the chasm
that you've left in my heart.
And the distance sowing
between us has been growing
exponentially from the very start.
But my mind keeps finding
ways of rewinding,
relaying and replaying
only the good parts;
I've become an inert expert
at standing still and
just by will
fast forwarding through
the tedious media, the numb minutia
of every normal moment,
holding tight to the euphoric
recall
and decollaging on the wall
a piece of artwork of the pedestal
I put you on.
And if I squint my eyes just right,
as I look up in this dim light,
I can almost make out what a perfect life
we could have together.
I want to taste the tang of champagne
and feel the warmth of your hands in mine
as we gaze into each others eyes
over the flame of a guttering candlelight.
But I'm allergic to alcohol and even more allergic to love.
And what I think may make me feel alive
will send skittering hives over my skin
and shut my throat before I can even begin
to wonder what it might be like
to feel anything but unrequited.
Because this love I think I need inside
disguises what I need to find –
which is true love, the meaning of life.
And has only once source,
my only recourse for no remorse.
And that source is God.
That which I decide
to call the one power, MOST high.
The only one on which I can rely,
in who I confide;
the one whom I've tried to hide
from all these years.
Through the lies and the tears,
the bruises and fears,
but it would appear
that the only one to mend these wounds,
to grant a boon is my savior.
My one creator,
the power that is greater
than me or you or any fool
who thinks they've got shit
figured out for themselves.
Life is a machination
that we will never understand;
Math, science and religion
are concepts created by man
to clarify God's plan
and take power into our OWN hands.
But reality is just too grand
to grasp,
and infinity is too limiting to last
and the world may never know the roots
to the truths it thinks are true.
But just between me and you,
I think these moments are too few
to let each day slip away
as we seek the wrong ways
to fill our days
and the holes in our hearts.
So let me return to the start,
where I was on my knees
begging you please, please just love me.
But this time let me focus
on the one thing that isn't hopeless,
and let my eyes, my ears
and my heart be open
to letting in a love that's true.
And now the "you" who I'm talking to
is NOT a fool
who will leave my heart bruised,
or a force that will ignore me
like all those before
but one who will restore me.
To sanity in this calamity,
this self-chosen insanity.
And finally relieve me of ME
so I can be
happy. Joyous. And free.
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/213605-recovery/
What is happening?
I'm still grappling
But there is nothing
That'll take all the hate
that you made
or remove the sting
Of the words that I heard
When I learned
You were leaving me.
See this me?
This me that I want you to see?
This me that I'm willing to be
That is on my knees
Just so you'll love me
I can't fill this hole inside me
I need God to guide me
And though he's always beside me
I feel he can't find me
When its me who is blindly
Stumbling and trying
To find my way winding
But so seldom finding
Whatever it takes
To mend my mistakes
And heal all the breaks
That I've made to my own heart
The divot you left in my pillow
is nothing compared to the chasm
that you've left in my heart.
And the distance sowing
between us has been growing
exponentially from the very start.
But my mind keeps finding
ways of rewinding,
relaying and replaying
only the good parts;
I've become an inert expert
at standing still and
just by will
fast forwarding through
the tedious media, the numb minutia
of every normal moment,
holding tight to the euphoric
recall
and decollaging on the wall
a piece of artwork of the pedestal
I put you on.
And if I squint my eyes just right,
as I look up in this dim light,
I can almost make out what a perfect life
we could have together.
I want to taste the tang of champagne
and feel the warmth of your hands in mine
as we gaze into each others eyes
over the flame of a guttering candlelight.
But I'm allergic to alcohol and even more allergic to love.
And what I think may make me feel alive
will send skittering hives over my skin
and shut my throat before I can even begin
to wonder what it might be like
to feel anything but unrequited.
Because this love I think I need inside
disguises what I need to find –
which is true love, the meaning of life.
And has only once source,
my only recourse for no remorse.
And that source is God.
That which I decide
to call the one power, MOST high.
The only one on which I can rely,
in who I confide;
the one whom I've tried to hide
from all these years.
Through the lies and the tears,
the bruises and fears,
but it would appear
that the only one to mend these wounds,
to grant a boon is my savior.
My one creator,
the power that is greater
than me or you or any fool
who thinks they've got shit
figured out for themselves.
Life is a machination
that we will never understand;
Math, science and religion
are concepts created by man
to clarify God's plan
and take power into our OWN hands.
But reality is just too grand
to grasp,
and infinity is too limiting to last
and the world may never know the roots
to the truths it thinks are true.
But just between me and you,
I think these moments are too few
to let each day slip away
as we seek the wrong ways
to fill our days
and the holes in our hearts.
So let me return to the start,
where I was on my knees
begging you please, please just love me.
But this time let me focus
on the one thing that isn't hopeless,
and let my eyes, my ears
and my heart be open
to letting in a love that's true.
And now the "you" who I'm talking to
is NOT a fool
who will leave my heart bruised,
or a force that will ignore me
like all those before
but one who will restore me.
To sanity in this calamity,
this self-chosen insanity.
And finally relieve me of ME
so I can be
happy. Joyous. And free.
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/213605-recovery/
Down On My Knees
Down on my knees
The world is cruel
Broken in pieces
Played out as a fool
Lonely and tired
Beaten and torn
Weary and hurt
Surrounded by scorn
Shattered mind
Broken heart
Nothing left
Ripped apart
Totally bankrupt
Absent of light
Lost in the shadows
The day is night
Blanketed darkness
Blood spilled to soon
Bitter reward
Bubbling spoon
Broken tip
Not enough measure
Only dust
No buried treasure
Clouds of red
Sour milk
Shades of gray
Torn silk
Painfully high
Scrapped knee disgrace
Asphalt pillow
Cold naked face
Black is the night
Death has new meaning
Pain is a wall
My body is leaning
Out of touch
No chance to rewind
Colors misplaced
White light blind
This is my whisper
My secret sad life
Flesh eating misery
Cut jagged knife
Only to hope
May help come soon
Dark is the night
Dirty spoon
Why am I sideways
Arms torn apart
Caught in a nightmare
How did it all start
Broken in pieces
Down on my knees
I have surrendered
Send help please
Fully surrendered
The only place to start
Only one light
Can replace this dark
Down on my knees
Black night cold stare
I cry out to Jesus
Please hear my prayer
Michael Bowen
Down on my knees
The world is cruel
Broken in pieces
Played out as a fool
Lonely and tired
Beaten and torn
Weary and hurt
Surrounded by scorn
Shattered mind
Broken heart
Nothing left
Ripped apart
Totally bankrupt
Absent of light
Lost in the shadows
The day is night
Blanketed darkness
Blood spilled to soon
Bitter reward
Bubbling spoon
Broken tip
Not enough measure
Only dust
No buried treasure
Clouds of red
Sour milk
Shades of gray
Torn silk
Painfully high
Scrapped knee disgrace
Asphalt pillow
Cold naked face
Black is the night
Death has new meaning
Pain is a wall
My body is leaning
Out of touch
No chance to rewind
Colors misplaced
White light blind
This is my whisper
My secret sad life
Flesh eating misery
Cut jagged knife
Only to hope
May help come soon
Dark is the night
Dirty spoon
Why am I sideways
Arms torn apart
Caught in a nightmare
How did it all start
Broken in pieces
Down on my knees
I have surrendered
Send help please
Fully surrendered
The only place to start
Only one light
Can replace this dark
Down on my knees
Black night cold stare
I cry out to Jesus
Please hear my prayer
Michael Bowen
I lay on satin clouds,
the nails that scar me,
are sharpened dull.
I close my eyes
and get drifted away,
by chiming sounds
resonating in my skull.
Fill with dismay,
desperation,
I know that I'm a wreck.
The vitals points that were lost,
are now forced to
connect.
But what the heck right?
Knowing my own destruction,
yet the want to find,
the answer to my uncertainty
no longer shoots balls fire.
I live,
making my inner war field,
my own Kingdom,
without a history.
Starting on a clean slate,
burying my past misery,
concealing the flies
that pitch on the carcass
of my past.
I let go, at last.
Never was the thought born,
that my affinity to the broken
would help myself restore,
the graces of which were,
of my esteem that lies
within the ashes of burnt bridges.
I lived through the obstacles
of hateful Gods,
and came out on top.
Even if my Kingdom is flawed,
Even if my Kingdom is frail,
Should I be label as Corrupted,
for loving the gentle beauty
of such imperfectness?
If so....
then I think it is about time,
to bring to attention
and not to deny
that I am therefore
blessed by imperfection.
Thunderhorse14 said:Down On My Knees
Down on my knees
The world is cruel
Broken in pieces
Played out as a fool
Lonely and tired
Beaten and torn
Weary and hurt
Surrounded by scorn
Shattered mind
Broken heart
Nothing left
Ripped apart
Totally bankrupt
Absent of light
Lost in the shadows
The day is night
Blanketed darkness
Blood spilled to soon
Bitter reward
Bubbling spoon
Broken tip
Not enough measure
Only dust
No buried treasure
Clouds of red
Sour milk
Shades of gray
Torn silk
Painfully high
Scrapped knee disgrace
Asphalt pillow
Cold naked face
Black is the night
Death has new meaning
Pain is a wall
My body is leaning
Out of touch
No chance to rewind
Colors misplaced
White light blind
This is my whisper
My secret sad life
Flesh eating misery
Cut jagged knife
Only to hope
May help come soon
Dark is the night
Dirty spoon
Why am I sideways
Arms torn apart
Caught in a nightmare
How did it all start
Broken in pieces
Down on my knees
I have surrendered
Send help please
Fully surrendered
The only place to start
Only one light
Can replace this dark
Down on my knees
Black night cold stare
I cry out to Jesus
Please hear my prayer
Michael Bowen
Michael this piece is awesome! I was profoundly surprised by the sudden change of trajectory at the end. The ending reminded me of a line from the James Taylor song "Fire And Rain" where he wrote:
"Won't you look down upon me, Jesus,
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
and I won't make it any other way"
Down on my knees
The world is cruel
Broken in pieces
Played out as a fool
Lonely and tired
Beaten and torn
Weary and hurt
Surrounded by scorn
Shattered mind
Broken heart
Nothing left
Ripped apart
Totally bankrupt
Absent of light
Lost in the shadows
The day is night
Blanketed darkness
Blood spilled to soon
Bitter reward
Bubbling spoon
Broken tip
Not enough measure
Only dust
No buried treasure
Clouds of red
Sour milk
Shades of gray
Torn silk
Painfully high
Scrapped knee disgrace
Asphalt pillow
Cold naked face
Black is the night
Death has new meaning
Pain is a wall
My body is leaning
Out of touch
No chance to rewind
Colors misplaced
White light blind
This is my whisper
My secret sad life
Flesh eating misery
Cut jagged knife
Only to hope
May help come soon
Dark is the night
Dirty spoon
Why am I sideways
Arms torn apart
Caught in a nightmare
How did it all start
Broken in pieces
Down on my knees
I have surrendered
Send help please
Fully surrendered
The only place to start
Only one light
Can replace this dark
Down on my knees
Black night cold stare
I cry out to Jesus
Please hear my prayer
Michael Bowen
Michael this piece is awesome! I was profoundly surprised by the sudden change of trajectory at the end. The ending reminded me of a line from the James Taylor song "Fire And Rain" where he wrote:
"Won't you look down upon me, Jesus,
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
and I won't make it any other way"
Crashing towards the ground
My own wings I clipped
Hopeing with this our fates our bound
Hopeing with this the key will fit
But still not enough I'm to good
So this halo I'll gladly break
But behind the close gate i still stood
Still to prefect so my heart still aches
Wanting in no matter what the coast
Once again i Carve my blade deep
Under my skin not careing about my loss
Giving everything towards what I seek
As my body becomes a alter pain
And imperfection but never enough
Still you have forsaken my name
Denied for too many flaws
Never able to meet your expectation
Just tossed with all the other outlaws
Only able to fantasie about my fixation
Left with nothing to call my own
But i still unable to fit this key
But no where else to go no home
When i lost everything that were pieces of me
My own wings I clipped
Hopeing with this our fates our bound
Hopeing with this the key will fit
But still not enough I'm to good
So this halo I'll gladly break
But behind the close gate i still stood
Still to prefect so my heart still aches
Wanting in no matter what the coast
Once again i Carve my blade deep
Under my skin not careing about my loss
Giving everything towards what I seek
As my body becomes a alter pain
And imperfection but never enough
Still you have forsaken my name
Denied for too many flaws
Never able to meet your expectation
Just tossed with all the other outlaws
Only able to fantasie about my fixation
Left with nothing to call my own
But i still unable to fit this key
But no where else to go no home
When i lost everything that were pieces of me
THE NOTE
I wrote a note once
It said
‘I love you’
I slowly folded it
Into a neat, little square
Held it tight
Looked into a mirror
Unlocked my heart
Put it deep, deep inside
Without a smile
Sometimes
You just want the world
To stop
So you can get off
Like when a loved one dies
So your pain can be recognized
I need to stop this ride
Open my heart
Search deep inside
To find my
‘I love you’
That I wrote to myself
In the dark of my life
It’s safe where I am
The sun’s dappled rays
Playing hide and seek
Many butterflies
Some resting nearby as
I go inside
To find my….note
It’s withered by many years
Stained, marked, crumpled
Slowly I unfold this delicate remnant
From my life long ago
‘I love you’
Beams out at me
Happy I came searching
Happy to be found
Herald in by many butterflies
Fluttering before my eyes
As leaves float graciously to the ground
I cry
Like I haven’t cried
In a long, long time
Time stands still
My ivory tower of wood
My trees, my wildlife
Wait silently
Allowing me to feel this moment
My tears come to an end
All around me erupts
As the butterflies play in front of me
