Short Story Seeking Honest Critique
#ShortStory
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
8th Mar 2025 12:07pm
8th Mar 2025 12:07pm
A Whole New Way to Love McDonald's
A man by the name of Ron was the owner of a McDonald's on the outskirts of Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Sometime in March 2010, he was driving North on Interstate 43 when he crashed his car.
There was a decent snowfall occurring with icy conditions.
His vehicle had crossed the median and into the southbound lanes before hitting a guardrail.
Ron was able to climb out of the burning wreckage, pulled off all of his burning clothes and stood naked in the middle of the road.
In a matter of minutes, Ron was plowed down and killed by an oncoming tractor-trailer. ...
Sometime in March 2010, he was driving North on Interstate 43 when he crashed his car.
There was a decent snowfall occurring with icy conditions.
His vehicle had crossed the median and into the southbound lanes before hitting a guardrail.
Ron was able to climb out of the burning wreckage, pulled off all of his burning clothes and stood naked in the middle of the road.
In a matter of minutes, Ron was plowed down and killed by an oncoming tractor-trailer. ...
#satirical
#ShortStory
57 reads
10 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
6th Mar 2025 11:39am
6th Mar 2025 11:39am
Charlie & His Lions
Charlie was a handsome, cultured young man who liked being outdoors
His interests were rock climbing, hiking & acting
When he wasn't outdoors he kept a colossal, very detailed diary
Charlie eventually went into the motion picture industry
With his sudden wealth, be bought a chic house on endless grounds
He began to raise lions, two to be exact
One Male & One Female
Soon he was being mobbed by people in the street for his autograph
One day at the studio he became tense & edgy
With the suggestion from his agent, Charlie fled to Africa,...
His interests were rock climbing, hiking & acting
When he wasn't outdoors he kept a colossal, very detailed diary
Charlie eventually went into the motion picture industry
With his sudden wealth, be bought a chic house on endless grounds
He began to raise lions, two to be exact
One Male & One Female
Soon he was being mobbed by people in the street for his autograph
One day at the studio he became tense & edgy
With the suggestion from his agent, Charlie fled to Africa,...
#fiction
#lion
#nature
#ShortStory
#success
73 reads
8 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
5th Mar 2025 1:04am
5th Mar 2025 1:04am
The Caboose
She was on her way to the quickie mart
Picking up grape soda and some pop tarts
Would you believe she has no money
Figures, she works for a pimp named Sunny
She takes her earnings and blows it all away
Another Friday night, time to get laid
Two weeks later, Sunny is getting fed up
Time is money, she's taking a piss in a cup
Sick and tired of all the abuse
Her ass is referred to as "The Caboose"
How will she know when the time is right
Keep her in the dark, she's a fugly sight
Hopping on the train, leaving far...
Picking up grape soda and some pop tarts
Would you believe she has no money
Figures, she works for a pimp named Sunny
She takes her earnings and blows it all away
Another Friday night, time to get laid
Two weeks later, Sunny is getting fed up
Time is money, she's taking a piss in a cup
Sick and tired of all the abuse
Her ass is referred to as "The Caboose"
How will she know when the time is right
Keep her in the dark, she's a fugly sight
Hopping on the train, leaving far...
#abuse
#rhyming
#SelfDiscovery
#sex
#ShortStory
68 reads
13 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
28th Feb 2025 1:15pm
28th Feb 2025 1:15pm
Wouldn't you do the same thing?
If I was going to do it, I would do it right
I would take some guys wife and kids
Do the whole torture and mutilation thing
Kind of like the film "Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer"
You know what I mean
Really party down with them and then the real fun begins
They'd be in for some wild sex and humiliation
Throw in some agony and mayhem
And then they'll be wishing for death
And I'm the guy who will grant their wishes
While this is happening
I'll be documenting the whole thing
I would have the sex, the torture and death...
I would take some guys wife and kids
Do the whole torture and mutilation thing
Kind of like the film "Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer"
You know what I mean
Really party down with them and then the real fun begins
They'd be in for some wild sex and humiliation
Throw in some agony and mayhem
And then they'll be wishing for death
And I'm the guy who will grant their wishes
While this is happening
I'll be documenting the whole thing
I would have the sex, the torture and death...
#death
#family
#horror
#ShortStory
#violence
84 reads
8 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
26th Feb 2025 1:25pm
26th Feb 2025 1:25pm
Feeding time at the zoo
#animals
#fiction
#sex
#ShortStory
#violence
125 reads
9 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
26th Feb 2025 11:44am
26th Feb 2025 11:44am
Iku-Turso
My sleep was awoken by the noise of a Lion, a Cricket and a Raccoon . It was weird. I looked outside and there was a red brick road that led to my garage. I walked into the garage and their were the three having tea with cookies. They all stopped whispering and looked at me in disgust. They asked me to please leave and follow the blue brick road for wisdom and the truth. I asked if I could have one cookie. The cricket stood up and said, "if you don't leave were going to chew on your body."
I left. I decided to follow the blue brick road. As I did, I noticed the...
I left. I decided to follow the blue brick road. As I did, I noticed the...
#DeepUndergroundPoetry
#monsters
#ShortStory
109 reads
14 Comments
NP_NP
Poem Published
24th Feb 2025 4:41am
24th Feb 2025 4:41am
The Watchful Soul
Dear reader, let me tell you now,
Of a soul who watched, yet wore no vow.
A lover’s call, a secret scheme,
Crafted in the shadows, part of a dream.
She had fun, leaving clues behind, Little whispers, a careful mind. No one saw, no one knew, the puzzle built for a chosen few.
Always observing, sharp and keen, a glimpse of words, a hidden scene. “Am I a genius, or just insane?” The question lingered, but none could claim.
From a young age, she began to learn, psychology patterns,...
She had fun, leaving clues behind, Little whispers, a careful mind. No one saw, no one knew, the puzzle built for a chosen few.
Always observing, sharp and keen, a glimpse of words, a hidden scene. “Am I a genius, or just insane?” The question lingered, but none could claim.
From a young age, she began to learn, psychology patterns,...
#narrative
#ShortStory
#spiritual
80 reads
3 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
18th Feb 2025 11:26pm
18th Feb 2025 11:26pm
A Match Made in Hell
#betrayal
#death
#relationships
#sex
#ShortStory
91 reads
5 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
18th Feb 2025 11:54am
18th Feb 2025 11:54am
The Violence Continues
She had enough. Many times her father would could home staggering drunk, and force himself onto her. He didn't care. He had no regret when he would sober up. Her mother knew that if she ever said a word she'd be beaten & thrown out into the streets. She cared about her own hide and not her own flesh & blood. She came into this marriage with nothing and will leave the marriage with nothing.
Her daughter is now dependent on drugs. Any drugs to release her from this horror. Pills, heroin, meth, alcohol, anything to get her fucked up and to drown these memories.
...
Her daughter is now dependent on drugs. Any drugs to release her from this horror. Pills, heroin, meth, alcohol, anything to get her fucked up and to drown these memories.
...
#abuse
#anger
#family
#prison
#ShortStory
85 reads
8 Comments
Mercurial
Poem Published
15th Feb 2025 8:56am
15th Feb 2025 8:56am
The Child's Father
The overwhelming power of the senses,
Strangling in a way that’s sweet,
The unseen father watching behind the scenes,
Enjoying his child playing with its toys still.
A dog in child’s clothing,
Clingy and needy of its master’s attentions,
With a cat’s eyes of mercy,
The father got caught in the web.
The child is the father,
The father is the child,
Usurping thrones like yin and yang,
But the father in the child was stronger.
After of eons of wrestling,
The child tricked the father,
To see the opposite...
Strangling in a way that’s sweet,
The unseen father watching behind the scenes,
Enjoying his child playing with its toys still.
A dog in child’s clothing,
Clingy and needy of its master’s attentions,
With a cat’s eyes of mercy,
The father got caught in the web.
The child is the father,
The father is the child,
Usurping thrones like yin and yang,
But the father in the child was stronger.
After of eons of wrestling,
The child tricked the father,
To see the opposite...
#confessional
#mystery
#ShortStory
54 reads
0 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
14th Feb 2025 10:57am
14th Feb 2025 10:57am
A Romantic Tale
Decades ago a man was in love with a woman
he would do crazy acts to seek her attention
he was a daredevil
he's faced death numerous times
he's played chicken with trains,
jumped off bridges and survived the plunge,
climbed skyscrapers,
and even imitated some of Houdini's work
nevertheless he was crazy, but good at what he did
one day he told his girlfriend that he was going to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel
she told him you're insane
if you do this you could die and we'll never have a life together
his mind was made up and told...
he would do crazy acts to seek her attention
he was a daredevil
he's faced death numerous times
he's played chicken with trains,
jumped off bridges and survived the plunge,
climbed skyscrapers,
and even imitated some of Houdini's work
nevertheless he was crazy, but good at what he did
one day he told his girlfriend that he was going to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel
she told him you're insane
if you do this you could die and we'll never have a life together
his mind was made up and told...
#lover
#marriage
#ShortStory
#ThrillSeeking
#ValentinesDay
83 reads
13 Comments
Vision_of_insanity
Poem Published
13th Feb 2025 1:31pm
13th Feb 2025 1:31pm
Death will never tear us apart
They were together a long time
He was retired
She was a homemaker all her life
Most of their family has moved away or died
Two hermits that knew nothing more then each other
They loved tv and game shows
They never left the house
They received their food and clothing through the internet
Occasionally a technician or handyman would come over to fix some household issue
They were happy
They knew no other way
One day the husband fell ill
She knew if she took him to the hospital, he'd die
At one point, he wanted to go, but she...
He was retired
She was a homemaker all her life
Most of their family has moved away or died
Two hermits that knew nothing more then each other
They loved tv and game shows
They never left the house
They received their food and clothing through the internet
Occasionally a technician or handyman would come over to fix some household issue
They were happy
They knew no other way
One day the husband fell ill
She knew if she took him to the hospital, he'd die
At one point, he wanted to go, but she...
#death
#horror
#marriage
#MentalHealth
#ShortStory
85 reads
4 Comments
DU Poetry : Short Story Seeking Honest Critique
