A Loathing Sickness

 

Consumed by self loathing

of who I am and
what's under my clothing

horrible and disgusting

the

bait

is

hate

it pulls me in and
eats me from within

sweetest personality
sick in the head
is my reality

the pain is what I need
the knife I use to feed

bitter sweetness releases me
from the blade that appeases me

ripping my hair out
pulling at my skin
my old scars heal
and become so thin

so I re-open them
forcing the knife in

sometimes I crave death
to take my last breath

to end the misery
that comes from being
me

wishing the devil
would set me alight
to feel the burn
so I can shine bright

on my bed I lie
thinking of ways
that I could die

the notion torments
my being
because I won't be
freeing
my soul anytime soon

I'll torture myself
again and again
to prevent my family
feeling a grieving pain

I know my sickness
will be over soon

but until then

in

my

head

the demon will swoon...