deepundergroundpoetry.com
Winter of my pain !
Living the
winter of my pain tears restrained this grief isn’t confined it's destroying me
. Betrayed by a phony sullen laughter in hatred masquerade the winter eyes has
whirled by a blast a nasty plight to this dirge lugubrious silent mouth .
This incessantly
thirsty gathered pain smudged tearful eyes of wistfulness in light’s demise . Ain't
an immortal bathed in dark waters I’m always dying my heart bleeds ... Longing
for dawning my love is torn apart desires long gone rather than had cutted
these wrists shedding this crimson blood on the floor I can't bear this pain
anymore ! My bleak haunted garden to cry on ! Loveless so real lifeline of mortality grunted , tears
rolled on . Condemned to spiritual misery restless oblivion forever wretchedness
.
Last words could
be left on the white paper announcing my departed . Feel there is nothing else
to be done just must to leave this world putting an end to this pain .
Life has made me even colder creating this emptiness inside that I worthless try
to hide . Noone can predict the hellish wars inside me yet everybody can
realize something in the depths of my eyes ! My love withered and died .
The night
when my hopes died , the dragons flew high , murmuring all over the abysses and
waterfalls . And the darkest filthy
waters whispered quietly calling my name I felt I had to go towards the night
abyss and jump listening to
the funeral chords .
For a life of pure loss , the night of lamentations .
The figure
in the mirror is not me my soul is gloomy , haunted and crippled . I shall not make a single sound .
For my future won't come . Lying lifeless deep inside all that's left of joy
and pride awaits for the final hour like a bloodred withered flower, I do flee
what I feel and what I see I did through the eyes of an enemy pushing me resulting
in fear and misery . I've worthless changed myself to fit the needs .
During this mutation my heart wept I wan’t
to be free my dreams are vanquished aspirations fades away reverence died within
. While an undying odyssey a myriad of times worthless tried to unbind my
entangled mind from the tormented memories
from the past .
These eyes
have seen through eyes of hellish burning wheels , help me I plea ! I'm
drowning in a sea of bitterness prelude to a sad rehersal I'm the bouse . Cast
my hope onto the waters neat hands my life seems already strewn . I gaze
through my window at a wounded world lying under a black death’s shroud .
Forlorn pyre in darkness , yet noone cares , this agony lies here inside I
march alone . It seems frailty mirth to me this life has stopped gleaming lost
fancies !
My sun's
dead as well my dreams all destroyed in the tread of life forgo . Call me bleakness
morning only doom tunes bitterly in here scuffled thoughts . In mourn silence
within these walls hopelessness mind freak to oblivion .
Alone
sitting on a throne of grief gufted the gall " Life "a dying essence
this fettered aura . Wailing in twilight , ridden sparks of light in the night
my dreary eyes weeps . My forlorn lust is burned I darted and inquire : Oh what
have I become ? To bear this mark briskly scarred ... I said crossly .
winter of my pain tears restrained this grief isn’t confined it's destroying me
. Betrayed by a phony sullen laughter in hatred masquerade the winter eyes has
whirled by a blast a nasty plight to this dirge lugubrious silent mouth .
This incessantly
thirsty gathered pain smudged tearful eyes of wistfulness in light’s demise . Ain't
an immortal bathed in dark waters I’m always dying my heart bleeds ... Longing
for dawning my love is torn apart desires long gone rather than had cutted
these wrists shedding this crimson blood on the floor I can't bear this pain
anymore ! My bleak haunted garden to cry on ! Loveless so real lifeline of mortality grunted , tears
rolled on . Condemned to spiritual misery restless oblivion forever wretchedness
.
Last words could
be left on the white paper announcing my departed . Feel there is nothing else
to be done just must to leave this world putting an end to this pain .
Life has made me even colder creating this emptiness inside that I worthless try
to hide . Noone can predict the hellish wars inside me yet everybody can
realize something in the depths of my eyes ! My love withered and died .
The night
when my hopes died , the dragons flew high , murmuring all over the abysses and
waterfalls . And the darkest filthy
waters whispered quietly calling my name I felt I had to go towards the night
abyss and jump listening to
the funeral chords .
For a life of pure loss , the night of lamentations .
The figure
in the mirror is not me my soul is gloomy , haunted and crippled . I shall not make a single sound .
For my future won't come . Lying lifeless deep inside all that's left of joy
and pride awaits for the final hour like a bloodred withered flower, I do flee
what I feel and what I see I did through the eyes of an enemy pushing me resulting
in fear and misery . I've worthless changed myself to fit the needs .
During this mutation my heart wept I wan’t
to be free my dreams are vanquished aspirations fades away reverence died within
. While an undying odyssey a myriad of times worthless tried to unbind my
entangled mind from the tormented memories
from the past .
These eyes
have seen through eyes of hellish burning wheels , help me I plea ! I'm
drowning in a sea of bitterness prelude to a sad rehersal I'm the bouse . Cast
my hope onto the waters neat hands my life seems already strewn . I gaze
through my window at a wounded world lying under a black death’s shroud .
Forlorn pyre in darkness , yet noone cares , this agony lies here inside I
march alone . It seems frailty mirth to me this life has stopped gleaming lost
fancies !
My sun's
dead as well my dreams all destroyed in the tread of life forgo . Call me bleakness
morning only doom tunes bitterly in here scuffled thoughts . In mourn silence
within these walls hopelessness mind freak to oblivion .
Alone
sitting on a throne of grief gufted the gall " Life "a dying essence
this fettered aura . Wailing in twilight , ridden sparks of light in the night
my dreary eyes weeps . My forlorn lust is burned I darted and inquire : Oh what
have I become ? To bear this mark briskly scarred ... I said crossly .
Published 29th Sep 2010
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 1044
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
30th Sep 2010 1:36am
I truly admire your work. This one will be yet another favorit from you. I impaitently await your next tresure. :) your an amazingly tallented writer, i love how you word thing, it blows my mind and leaves me waiting for more every time.
30th Sep 2010 5:54am
I'm so glad you once again enjoyed my writings ! My mother language isn't english and I have struggled myself to do my best thinking in english ! In the critic below the other person spoke about my grammar mistakes and enjambment etc ! I do not know how to handle it ! To be honest I do not mind it ! I do things my way and style no matter the grammar sounds weird or wrong !
30th Sep 2010 2:03am
needs a lot of work on the grammar and enjambment
at the moment it feels prose and i'm struggling to find where to pause properly.
it has something in it that can be made a good poem with an edit, but at present it all over the place. (no disrespect intended)
if you can work on the enjambment.
make the lines shorter, more condensed.
jmo.
at the moment it feels prose and i'm struggling to find where to pause properly.
it has something in it that can be made a good poem with an edit, but at present it all over the place. (no disrespect intended)
if you can work on the enjambment.
make the lines shorter, more condensed.
jmo.
30th Sep 2010 5:20am
I do appreciate your critics and I must to thank your advices ! 1) My first language isn't english thus do not expect something that can not offer , 2)I never mind or worry about grammar though ! Perhaps it is my style ,I know sometimes it's required to express properly one's clear idea ,I do not care much about the grammar while typing , the thoughts just come and flow I can't control it though 3) I do not possess a 100% english therefore I have striven myself to think in english and write down my mourn ideas ! 4)I do not really know how to work the enjambment on my writings ! Anyway I'll keep my style of course I'll care a bit more about grammar . Althought do not expect from me an expert text I do things my own way and style even though contrary to the academic correct writings !
30th Sep 2010 11:38pm
if you would like i could show you what i mean about enjambment. it's admirable that English isn't you're first language but that's the language you're writing the poem in, don't worry though, the grammar will come if you keep writing. i don't expect expert text or poetry from anyone, not even the experts :)
may i say you take feedback the way it should be taken. for that i must say thank you.
the thing with enjambment is that those with a lesser knowledge of english grammar don't look as inexperienced. used properly it can negate altogether (almost ) the need for good grammar.
1st Oct 2010 1:07am
I wan't for sure your feed back and you to show me how to handle the enjambment !
30th Sep 2010 8:05pm
enjambment;
it won't be perfect because i'm rushing but it will hopefully show a little of what it does, and how it can help with a person whose first language isn't english. i won't change any words, thats always down to the poet to do :)
---------------------------------------------
Winter of my pain !
Living the winter of my pain
tears restrained
this grief isn’t confined
it's destroying me
Betrayed by a phony
sullen laughter in hatred
masquerade
the winter eyes has whirled by
a blast a nasty plight
to this dirge
lugubrious silent mouth
This incessantly thirsty
gathered pain smudged tearful
eyes of wistfulness in light’s demise
Ain't an immortal bathed
in dark waters I’m always dying my heart bleeds ... Longing
for dawning my love
is torn apart
desires long gone
rather than had cutted
these wrists shedding this
crimson blood on the floor
I can't bear this pain anymore !
My bleak haunted garden to cry on !
Loveless
so real lifeline of mortality
grunted , tears rolled on .
Condemned to spiritual misery
restless oblivion forever wretchedness
Last words could be left
on the white paper
announcing my departed .
Feel there is nothing else to be done
just must to leave this world
putting an end to this pain .
Life has made me even colder
creating this emptiness inside
that I worthless try to hide .
Noone can predict
the hellish wars inside me
yet everybody can realize something
in the depths of my eyes !
My love withered and died .
The night when my hopes died ,
the dragons flew high ,
murmuring all over the abysses
and waterfalls .
And the darkest filthy waters
whispered quietly calling my name
I felt I had to go towards the night abyss
and jump
listening to the funeral chords .
For a life of pure loss ,
the night of lamentations .
The figure in the mirror is not me
my soul is gloomy , haunted and crippled .
I shall not make a single sound .
For my future won't come .
Lying lifeless deep inside
all that's left of joy
and pride awaits for the final hour
like a bloodred withered flower,
I do flee
what I feel and what I see
I did through the eyes of an enemy
pushing me resulting in fear and misery .
I've worthless changed myself
to fit the needs .
During this mutation my heart wept
I wan’t to be free
my dreams are vanquished
aspirations fades away
reverence died within
While an undying odyssey
a myriad of times worthless
tried to unbind my entangled mind
from the tormented memories
from the past .
These eyes have seen
through eyes of hellish burning wheels ,
help me I plea ! I'm drowning
in a sea of bitterness
prelude to a sad rehersal
I'm the bouse . Cast my hope
onto the waters neat hands
my life seems already strewn .
I gaze through my window
at a wounded world
lying under a black death’s shroud .
Forlorn pyre in darkness ,
yet noone cares ,
this agony lies here inside
I march alone .
It seems frailty mirth to me
this life has stopped gleaming
lost fancies !
My sun's
dead as well my dreams all destroyed
in the tread of life forgo .
Call me bleakness
morning only doom tunes bitterly
in here scuffled thoughts .
In mourn silence within these walls
hopelessness mind freak to oblivion .
Alone
sitting on a throne of grief
gufted the gall " Life "a dying essence
this fettered aura
Wailing in twilight ,
ridden sparks of light in the night
my dreary eyes weeps .
My forlorn lust is burned
I darted and inquire :
Oh what have I become ?
To bear this mark briskly scarred ...
I said crossly .
it has made your poem longer.
as i read it again during doing the enjambment i felt is had a Shakespearian quality about it.
and i will not be offended if you dislike the enjambment. and it could be done better but time constricts me :(
on the grammar, i do know you're more interested with the words and thought at present. but one thing that will help it look better is to remember that periods or full stops (the dot at the end of a sentence) and the comma ( ' ) when us come straight after the word with no space in between. then it's a space before the next word.
it won't be perfect because i'm rushing but it will hopefully show a little of what it does, and how it can help with a person whose first language isn't english. i won't change any words, thats always down to the poet to do :)
---------------------------------------------
Winter of my pain !
Living the winter of my pain
tears restrained
this grief isn’t confined
it's destroying me
Betrayed by a phony
sullen laughter in hatred
masquerade
the winter eyes has whirled by
a blast a nasty plight
to this dirge
lugubrious silent mouth
This incessantly thirsty
gathered pain smudged tearful
eyes of wistfulness in light’s demise
Ain't an immortal bathed
in dark waters I’m always dying my heart bleeds ... Longing
for dawning my love
is torn apart
desires long gone
rather than had cutted
these wrists shedding this
crimson blood on the floor
I can't bear this pain anymore !
My bleak haunted garden to cry on !
Loveless
so real lifeline of mortality
grunted , tears rolled on .
Condemned to spiritual misery
restless oblivion forever wretchedness
Last words could be left
on the white paper
announcing my departed .
Feel there is nothing else to be done
just must to leave this world
putting an end to this pain .
Life has made me even colder
creating this emptiness inside
that I worthless try to hide .
Noone can predict
the hellish wars inside me
yet everybody can realize something
in the depths of my eyes !
My love withered and died .
The night when my hopes died ,
the dragons flew high ,
murmuring all over the abysses
and waterfalls .
And the darkest filthy waters
whispered quietly calling my name
I felt I had to go towards the night abyss
and jump
listening to the funeral chords .
For a life of pure loss ,
the night of lamentations .
The figure in the mirror is not me
my soul is gloomy , haunted and crippled .
I shall not make a single sound .
For my future won't come .
Lying lifeless deep inside
all that's left of joy
and pride awaits for the final hour
like a bloodred withered flower,
I do flee
what I feel and what I see
I did through the eyes of an enemy
pushing me resulting in fear and misery .
I've worthless changed myself
to fit the needs .
During this mutation my heart wept
I wan’t to be free
my dreams are vanquished
aspirations fades away
reverence died within
While an undying odyssey
a myriad of times worthless
tried to unbind my entangled mind
from the tormented memories
from the past .
These eyes have seen
through eyes of hellish burning wheels ,
help me I plea ! I'm drowning
in a sea of bitterness
prelude to a sad rehersal
I'm the bouse . Cast my hope
onto the waters neat hands
my life seems already strewn .
I gaze through my window
at a wounded world
lying under a black death’s shroud .
Forlorn pyre in darkness ,
yet noone cares ,
this agony lies here inside
I march alone .
It seems frailty mirth to me
this life has stopped gleaming
lost fancies !
My sun's
dead as well my dreams all destroyed
in the tread of life forgo .
Call me bleakness
morning only doom tunes bitterly
in here scuffled thoughts .
In mourn silence within these walls
hopelessness mind freak to oblivion .
Alone
sitting on a throne of grief
gufted the gall " Life "a dying essence
this fettered aura
Wailing in twilight ,
ridden sparks of light in the night
my dreary eyes weeps .
My forlorn lust is burned
I darted and inquire :
Oh what have I become ?
To bear this mark briskly scarred ...
I said crossly .
it has made your poem longer.
as i read it again during doing the enjambment i felt is had a Shakespearian quality about it.
and i will not be offended if you dislike the enjambment. and it could be done better but time constricts me :(
on the grammar, i do know you're more interested with the words and thought at present. but one thing that will help it look better is to remember that periods or full stops (the dot at the end of a sentence) and the comma ( ' ) when us come straight after the word with no space in between. then it's a space before the next word.
1st Oct 2010 3:39am
Thanks some much for the huge tips ! That original writing I had writen on my Facebook page and I copy and paste here maybe it caused that disorder ! I'll try to use the dot properly on the text !
