deepundergroundpoetry.com
WATER BORNE
Floating in water for nine months
Screaming with pain as we are ejected from the womb
Lustily sucking a breastful of milk
Our body still water hiding in cells
Brain has fluids which must be protected
Water cleansing for hygiene and baptism
Water is calling me as I think of the sea
Walking on sand surf is calming to me
When I get to the sea again
Maybe it will tell me how it will end.
Published 2nd Apr 2013
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 606
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Apr 2013 3:09am
If you could help me make this a better poem...I would be grateful....I want honest feedback.
2nd Apr 2013 2:42pm
I thought this was pretty good, it didn't seem to have any grammatical mistakes or anything like that. You seem passionate about new life and water and how the two relate.
I thought "Our body still water hiding in cells" didn't make sense at first but it clicked after I read through a couple of times.
Good work, very enjoyable read.
I thought "Our body still water hiding in cells" didn't make sense at first but it clicked after I read through a couple of times.
Good work, very enjoyable read.
Hi joyce carol. I have read both your poems liking them both. . . . .suggest you read your poetry often . . . poets should read their work more than any other; read and read and read fast and slow get the feel of the work's rhythms, phrases, cadences read it as music; and write for yourself . . . .keep a note book to record the odd phrase you hear from others as well as your own thoughts
