Visit Mum Day

   
Knots in my stomach
I hate feeling this way  
I thicken my skin
It's visit mum day  
 
I walk down the hall
it feels it has no end  
Take a deep breath
as I approach the bend  
 
I walk in the room
wishing for a warm embrace  
She glares with caution
at the strangers face
  
I place the flowers down
draw the curtains back  
She looks at me like
I am about to attack  
 
She starts screaming loudly
she says it's not true  
I do have a daughter
It is not you
  
Who are you really?
why are you here?  
It breaks my heart
her undeniable fear  
 
I walk out the room
try to catch my breath  
I wonder if a life lived
and forgotten is worse than death
  
Maybe I shouldn't have come
because now she's upset  
I remind myself
she can't choose who to forget  
 
As I exit the car park
my tyres spin on the gravel  
I swear I can feel my heart
start to unravel
  
This torture in a way  
I do to myself  
I could never put her
on the too hard shelf