Domestic violence - my story

I look into my eyes and I see nothing but pain, a mans done this but he feels no shame, friends tell me that I'm beautiful and he has no worth, and all I do is pray things don't get worst!

I often reminisce about the good old days, only problem is they ceased almost immediately after our high school faze!

I didn't think it was possible to love like I loved you, but you tore my heart apart and beat me black and blue!

I use to blame myself saying I got him mad, thinking all that I done must of made him sad...I tried to comprehend what I'd done wrong, but before I got the chance I was right back under ya thumb!!

Yeah I can't hide and I can't lie,  I loved you more than I ever loved my own life, I gave you my world yet you gave me nothing but tears, black eyes, broken bones and a whole bag of fears!

I used to tell myself things have got to get better, sitting up crying whilst writing my last letter, a letter to my family explaining why I had gone, explaining that I couldn't fight no more and couldn't carry on.

You see you broke me down and trampled on my dreams, you told me I was ugly but that I was your queen. You told me I was worthless and you'd never let me go, in fact do you remember when you nearly put me in that hole?

I gave up fighting years ago, just accepted this was fate, decided I would try to be the best wife and maybe ya soul  mate.

But here we was again, back at square one, nothing was ever good enough no matter what I done!

Cos Nothing else mattered as long as you was blessed, you didn't give a fuck about me or the feelings I suppressed.

Do you remember when you held me down and punched me in my chest all because I didn't cook the dinner at your request!

You grabbed me, slapped me and dragged me outside and left me helpless on doorstep until the sun rised.

When you finally opened the door what did you do? Oh yeah made me bow to you?

Words can't describe how humiliated I felt, as I crawled through your door like a helpless little girl.

Even then you showed no love and told me I was a disgrace and once more yep you slapped me round my face.

Why couldn't you love me the way that I loved you, see for you there was nothing I would not do!

I looked up to you like the sky but you trampled on me like the earth, you had a sun (son) but it wasn't me who gave birth!

See I suffered 10 years of pain, and every minute it got  worst I started to believe I was living a fucking curse!

I just don't understand why a man would treat a women like you did, especially as I gave you everything that no one else did.

I missed out on a family, and children of my own because I knew in my heart that our kids would be the centre of this zone!

You see I gave up all I dreamed of as dreaming became numb, after all it's kinda hard to dream when a nightmare is what it had become.

I never wished no harm for you, no sorrow or dispair,  I just wished that you would let me get the hell up out of there! But still kept on going and controlling my every move, I could not even think for myself for you were always there ensuring I'd loose!

Then one day came, about 10 months ago, when I decided enough was enough and I needed to be bold! I stood my ground and left you despite it killing me, for all I'd ever wanted was to live happy ever after with the.

I made that unknown walk away from your front door and vowed to myself that It would never be no more.

Still after all my pain and misery untold, you still refused to move on and gripped on with your mighty hold.

But there was one thing different now, I've realised what I'm worth, I've realised I deserve to be someone's sky, moon and earth!

I may not be a supermodel or much upon the eye but I am Hayley Stewart-Smith, just me, myself and I.


09/08/2012
Hayley Stewart-Smith ©