Repetition   Repetition  (revision # 2) (1-30-91, San Diego, California)

                              
down          
the sidewalk          
some          
inner current          
pulls me          
into this          
seedy          
repetition          
repetition          
until some          
horny dragon          
drags me          
into his          
darkened lair          
to          
empty me there          
of all my          
understanding          
as if there          
were ever even      
any there          
my bones          
tossed out          
flacid now          
into these          
mid day streets          
i go          
picked clean          
of all my          
shadow acts          
now exposed          
to solar glare          
as self judgment          
like some          
hostile judge          
and angry jury          
soon quickly          
descends upon me          
cold and scolding          
from everywhere          
where now          
im not only          
repelled          
and repulsed          
but compulsively driven          
as well          
right back out          
into my usual          
recyclic orbit          
of even deeper          
ever darkening          
self disparaging        
self debasive         
repetition  repetition          
where it          
now appears          
ive become          
the grand defiler          
of that          
vengeful god          
of all          
my mothers          
poisoned fears          
looming ever ominously          
over my          
entire lifes          
experience          
right up to          
this          
my present          
long ongoing          
addiction          
to this seemingly          
inescapable          
near hopeless          
affliction          
this inner tumultuous          
self destructive          
soul staining          
psychologically reactive           
subconsciously driven          
compulsive condition  
this my seemingly  
primal  
conscience blinded       
inescapable  
lust feeding  
sexually insatiable  
deeply rooted  
neo pagan  
pseudo religion  
which at          
this point          
now seems
to have become          
my near constant                  
gluttonous  
ever hungering  
core state of being  
whose unrelenting  
imbalanced vice s  
post feeding  
after effects feelings  
of lingering  
increasingly meaningless  
hollow  
superficial emptiness
shame  frustration
self loathing
anger and doubt
nonetheless
despite all that
still only leaves me  
addictively craving  
more and more
ever yet more  
of this raw  
carnal seeking          
for only more  
more          
still ever yet  
more  
of this frustratingly  
redundant  
thus far unresolvable               
apparently unstoppable         
hopelessly intractable  
mysterious innermost need  
for so rabidly  
pursuing  
compulsively feeding  
and maintaining  
this my present  
seemingly          
near constant                  
gluttony s  
ever hungering  
core state  
beings  
ongoing  
insatiable need  
to somehow compensate  
to try  
to fill  
and satisfy  
this subconsciously dark  
wounded hole 
lost somewhere within  
my own vast  
unknown  
perhaps profoundly misunderstood  
lonesome human soul  
by continuing  
to seek out  
and feed  
this baffling  
innermost  
desperately driven need  
in me  
for more  
more  
and still yet  
more  
of all this  
ongoing  
repetition          
repetition          
repetition