if he only new

I hide my pain,
Loneliness, hurt, and shame.
I have had two boyfriends
In the past two months.
and about 6 guys i talk to
get me by.
Smoking dope is what
Keeps me sane even though
i have said i quit to most.
The one i have now smokes
Too.
We have known eachother for
a little over 8 years.
I was 14 and he was 18.
So back then it wouldnt work.
Now im 21 and he is 25.
So we have been dating
for over a week.
Absolutely dreadful.
Nothing like what i expected.
We used to talk about everthing
When we was just friend.
Getting along was not a terrible
Task.
Now he dont talk to me.
We dont even laugh like we did.
If i say anything he takes it the wrong
Way.
So once again im looking for that
other person guy/girl
To help me threw.
And i smoke the dope
To handle him to.
But if i had somewhere to
Go i would.
Id rather just die.
Hate listening to his shit.
And hell no i dont want to
Share my shit.
But i do unfortunately,
Only because i dont care to here
His shit.
If he only knew i was texting
Others, while he sleep.
Or trying to see other people
I wonder what he would do?
Oh well right now i dont care.
he pisses me off and i have
no regret. honestly he deserve
Every bit of it.