deepundergroundpoetry.com
Free falling from hindsight
I often envision myself naked,
standing on the edge of eroded
earth,
just next to the apex of
a most glorious waterfall.
Ready to jump and embrace
freedom like that of the water
ripples;
cascading recklessly into the
netherlands were that domineering
force of nature and mind coalesced.
Finally free falling away from the
judgment of my own shrewd
subconscience,
with the electrified velocity of
impulsively tempting the fates.
Then praying I plummet
between the crevices of gods
calloused finger tips in the
same fashion some sinful angel
would descend from grace.
That moment when I do give in
and lean forward is indescribable.
I can hear the blood rushing
through my every vein;
listening to an erratic lullaby as
my heart anticipates the
bracing of body and soul upon
impending collision.
It's so much more bittersweet
than the finest Mexican cocaine
for the starving adrenaline junkie.
A damned hell-of-a-ride until
cynical devastation slaps me
back into reality like a coma
hesitates upon awakening the
morning after.
Sanity,
much like that of fate,
exists purely for the thrill
in conventional mockery.
Period.
standing on the edge of eroded
earth,
just next to the apex of
a most glorious waterfall.
Ready to jump and embrace
freedom like that of the water
ripples;
cascading recklessly into the
netherlands were that domineering
force of nature and mind coalesced.
Finally free falling away from the
judgment of my own shrewd
subconscience,
with the electrified velocity of
impulsively tempting the fates.
Then praying I plummet
between the crevices of gods
calloused finger tips in the
same fashion some sinful angel
would descend from grace.
That moment when I do give in
and lean forward is indescribable.
I can hear the blood rushing
through my every vein;
listening to an erratic lullaby as
my heart anticipates the
bracing of body and soul upon
impending collision.
It's so much more bittersweet
than the finest Mexican cocaine
for the starving adrenaline junkie.
A damned hell-of-a-ride until
cynical devastation slaps me
back into reality like a coma
hesitates upon awakening the
morning after.
Sanity,
much like that of fate,
exists purely for the thrill
in conventional mockery.
Period.
Published 22nd Mar 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 8
reads 908
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
22nd Mar 2013 12:22pm
A good insight into your psyche here. Sounds like it's teetering on the edge of many things. thank you for making me think.
22nd Mar 2013 12:33pm
"Then praying I plummet
between the crevices of gods
calloused finger tips in the
same fashion some sinful angel
would descend from grace."
Just adored that Darlin :)
between the crevices of gods
calloused finger tips in the
same fashion some sinful angel
would descend from grace."
Just adored that Darlin :)
22nd Mar 2013 1:26pm
beautifully tragically fucking perfect :)
love this trip, I fell with you on this one, I can't articulate what I really want to say right now...its early...but yeah fanfreakingtastic
love this trip, I fell with you on this one, I can't articulate what I really want to say right now...its early...but yeah fanfreakingtastic
22nd Mar 2013 4:17pm
A damned hell-of-a-ride until
cynical devastation slaps me
back into reality like a coma
hesitates upon awakening the
morning after.
One of the best I've read from you,
it's like whirl-storm of buzzing
ideas. Very clever piece.
cynical devastation slaps me
back into reality like a coma
hesitates upon awakening the
morning after.
One of the best I've read from you,
it's like whirl-storm of buzzing
ideas. Very clever piece.
Anonymous
22nd Mar 2013 7:04pm
"I can hear the blood rushing
through my every vein;
listening to an erratic lullaby as
my heart anticipates the
bracing of body and soul upon
impending collision."
Love that stanza, in particular, kourtni. This piece is a mind-dazzling poetic excursion. Love the poem!
Carlene :)
through my every vein;
listening to an erratic lullaby as
my heart anticipates the
bracing of body and soul upon
impending collision."
Love that stanza, in particular, kourtni. This piece is a mind-dazzling poetic excursion. Love the poem!
Carlene :)
26th Mar 2013 7:12pm
Nicely written. This poem is quenched with great vocabulary. It has just the right amount of descriptive language and metaphors. I like how the metaphors are intricately woven. The falling between the "crevices of god's calloused finger tips" is a marvelous metaphor, and the angels falling ties in with line "damned hell-of-a-ride".
The words used are perfect but I found some issues with the structure.
"Ready to jump and embrace"
The next line then begins with "freedom". Here you seperate the verb from the object instead of levaing them on the same line which makes it feel choppy.
"Standing on the edge of eroded
earth"
Although this is a great use of alliteration I wonder why you seperated "earth" on it's own line. Once again it made a choppy feeling and damages the fluidity of reading.
Other examples include
".....the
netherlands" , and other places where "the" is seperated from it's noun.
I did feel that the metaphor about Mexican cocaine kind of veered away from the theme, but then again the adrenaline rush did make sense with getting ready to jump.
I like the ending and this is a well thought out piece that I will use to study from.
Great job, and thanks for teaching me a new word *coalesced* ;)I like it.
The words used are perfect but I found some issues with the structure.
"Ready to jump and embrace"
The next line then begins with "freedom". Here you seperate the verb from the object instead of levaing them on the same line which makes it feel choppy.
"Standing on the edge of eroded
earth"
Although this is a great use of alliteration I wonder why you seperated "earth" on it's own line. Once again it made a choppy feeling and damages the fluidity of reading.
Other examples include
".....the
netherlands" , and other places where "the" is seperated from it's noun.
I did feel that the metaphor about Mexican cocaine kind of veered away from the theme, but then again the adrenaline rush did make sense with getting ready to jump.
I like the ending and this is a well thought out piece that I will use to study from.
Great job, and thanks for teaching me a new word *coalesced* ;)I like it.
Thanks for such great critique!
The structure had no real purpose, just something new I was trying and the separation of words and sentences was only intended to keep the stanzas neatly organized. Your opinions make much sense however and I wouldn't want the piece to read choppy. I will come back soon and rearrange some lines.
The Mexican cocaine and adrenaline junky reference I meant to use as a metaphor for the feeling of falling, retaining the the entire theme.
Glad I could enhance your vocabulary and thanks again for the time and thoughtful comment.
The structure had no real purpose, just something new I was trying and the separation of words and sentences was only intended to keep the stanzas neatly organized. Your opinions make much sense however and I wouldn't want the piece to read choppy. I will come back soon and rearrange some lines.
The Mexican cocaine and adrenaline junky reference I meant to use as a metaphor for the feeling of falling, retaining the the entire theme.
Glad I could enhance your vocabulary and thanks again for the time and thoughtful comment.
Anonymous
13th Apr 2013 2:22am
I like this poem. The opening is fantastic.
I often envision myself naked,
standing on the edge of eroded
earth,
just next to the apex of
a most glorious waterfall.
Ready to jump and embrace
freedom like that of the water
ripples;
Vulnerable, and exposed to what the rest of the poem says.
I often envision myself naked,
standing on the edge of eroded
earth,
just next to the apex of
a most glorious waterfall.
Ready to jump and embrace
freedom like that of the water
ripples;
Vulnerable, and exposed to what the rest of the poem says.
