deepundergroundpoetry.com
L.E.T. M.E.
Looking at your picture
looking at those lips
longing to be closer
limb to limb and hip to hip
Enduring all the night haunts
essential to lover's dreams
explosive and captivating
effervescent internal streams
Tenuous thoughts invade me
treacherous schemes abide
tickling my imagination
taking me for a ride
Matchless passions growing
maybe too fast to be sure
medicinal to my spirit
melting, melding, meshing raw
Eleven hours waiting
eternal time has ceased
expecting you any minute
edacious love to feast
looking at those lips
longing to be closer
limb to limb and hip to hip
Enduring all the night haunts
essential to lover's dreams
explosive and captivating
effervescent internal streams
Tenuous thoughts invade me
treacherous schemes abide
tickling my imagination
taking me for a ride
Matchless passions growing
maybe too fast to be sure
medicinal to my spirit
melting, melding, meshing raw
Eleven hours waiting
eternal time has ceased
expecting you any minute
edacious love to feast
Published 11th Mar 2013
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likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 806
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
11th Mar 2013 8:58pm
I can't get better, if you don't tell me what I could do better, what can be added, left out, etc...
I even want to hear what you don't like about it.
It's just opinion...
I even want to hear what you don't like about it.
It's just opinion...
11th Mar 2013 9:04pm
Well, I like the semi-acrostic approach you used in it's design. You word imagery is delicious. this more than speaks intimate love. This "feels" love. For me, the very last stanza though in form needs to "lessen" as it did, it had a different feeling about it as opposed to the previous stanzas. I guess I'm asking "can you convey the same idea but word it somewhat differently?"
Content wise, this sings to a brother's heart. If I were the object of your affection, the protagonist here, you know what would be in store.......2nite ; )
Excellent poem : )
Content wise, this sings to a brother's heart. If I were the object of your affection, the protagonist here, you know what would be in store.......2nite ; )
Excellent poem : )
11th Mar 2013 9:29pm
Thank you for your honesty. I actually thought the same about the last stanza, but threw it out there anyway like trash because no one has given me a critique (until now). Sure it's nice for people to like what you do, but if I would like to grow in the art of words. Thursday while I am waiting for the plane I will see what I can do to fix it.
