There's not a word for it

I give you love I never had, But still I manage to feel sad. There aren't words to explain,
why they love only in vain. There aren't words to express, why I can't seem to catch my breathe.
I don't wanna live each day like death, I can't stop my self from falling again, you'd think I'd know better but even then there where scars left on my hips, scars left on my thighs, still wishing you were mine. If I had the time I wouldn't lie; If I had the guts we'd compromise. I give you all I never had, someone there when things get bad. I'd hate to be you, cause at one point I was and all I needed was your love.
There aren't words to explain, Why I feel this way. I'm so used to being put down, and pushed around, until you came. I don't know why I love you, We're extremely different, but I'd accept it all in an instant. I give you all I never had, but still I feel like all kinds of bad.