Desperation

You're deep in my veins,
Like a blade,
Cutting through my skin.
I let you in. I bleed in sin.
How do I even begin?

I guess I should start at the
End of it all. I am standing
On the edge and... I fall.
It was such a rush, it
Was such a relief.

I lay here, broken
And bleeding and waiting
Euphorically to die.
Metaphorically, of course.
I am alive for now.

Well, not alive, exactly.
I am surviving. That's the
Only way I know how to
Put it. I kind of want to
End it all. Kind of.
I'm just too afraid to be

Without you. I don't
Know if where I'll go
My pain will stop or if
If it will burn me eternally.

I wish you could understand.
I wish you would smile at
Me when you see me,
Instead of your sad, blank
Stare. All I want is to
See you happy again.

Maybe I should end with
Where I began. I should
End with how my pain
Started. Him.

His eyes, his hands, his
Everything ruined me. He
Was there and then he was
Gone and all I felt anymore
Was his loss. So, I decided
To end it.

I'm sure my parents will
Tell everyone I did it out
Of desperation, or that I
Was a coward who couldn't
Face my demons.

I faced them, and they (he)
Destroyed me. I was nothing
Before him, and currently,
I am nothing without him.

I am nothing. Why should I
Be the one to live when
Thousands of people starve to
Death daily? I am a waste of
Oxygen. I am such a waste.
I should just waste away.

I wonder if he'll notice
When I'm gone. If he'll even
Think of me for more than a
Moment. Probably not.

My depression torments me
And my friends are not there
For me. No one is listening.
Why can't you hear my silent
Screaming? Why? I am

Burning alive, on the inside.
I'm just skilled at the hide and
You are clueless on how to
Seek. Please, help me. Kill me.
End all of this agony.