deepundergroundpoetry.com
Suffocation
Wind slowly caresses claustrophobic skies
reaching towards proletariat pocket money,
saving demonic ripples
smashing towards the blackened sea.
( I once survived stormy cliffs )
A bare saturation of cognitive reasoning
parading around vainful humor
life a comedian,
throwing shillings
down the polarity of sensationalism.
( i missed speaking about historical nightmares ).
reaching towards proletariat pocket money,
saving demonic ripples
smashing towards the blackened sea.
( I once survived stormy cliffs )
A bare saturation of cognitive reasoning
parading around vainful humor
life a comedian,
throwing shillings
down the polarity of sensationalism.
( i missed speaking about historical nightmares ).
Published 28th Jan 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
28th Jan 2013 8:16pm
29th Jan 2013 2:33pm
30th Jan 2013 1:58am
Nice work. I really like the way it's worded, and the use of descriptions. Where it reads:
"life a comedian
throwing shillings"
is a little confusing. I read it as Life IS the comedian throwing shillings? If I interpreted that correctly, I'd suggest editing it:
"Life, a comedian
throwing shillings"
Just a suggestion. I liked the flow. Again, nice work.
"life a comedian
throwing shillings"
is a little confusing. I read it as Life IS the comedian throwing shillings? If I interpreted that correctly, I'd suggest editing it:
"Life, a comedian
throwing shillings"
Just a suggestion. I liked the flow. Again, nice work.
8th Feb 2013 10:49pm
Thank you , I understand how the wording can be a little confusing, however I tend not to read my own poetry back to myself before publishing . A habit I should eradicate , however I like the poetic feel of roughness bringing words outside of there usual context . Thank again for reading :)
