deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Struggle From Within
The only battle we fight
is the one that leads us to our demise.
When we look up we realize
that there is no end with a prize.
It is the illusion that we create
to justify the amount it takes
to keep our heart from the break.
We stand our ground
anticipating the slightest sound
fighting the love from all around.
Staying in this shadow we pay
for our sins we are forced to stay
in this state of dismay.
It is pointless to pretend
let alone try to understand
what it is that makes a man.
is the one that leads us to our demise.
When we look up we realize
that there is no end with a prize.
It is the illusion that we create
to justify the amount it takes
to keep our heart from the break.
We stand our ground
anticipating the slightest sound
fighting the love from all around.
Staying in this shadow we pay
for our sins we are forced to stay
in this state of dismay.
It is pointless to pretend
let alone try to understand
what it is that makes a man.
Published 27th Jan 2013
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27th Jan 2013 9:50pm
Another shot at the darkest nursery rhyme. The scheme takes away from any potential sincerity. The second stanza instantly forces a stutter due to such an obvious rhythm being set up and then awkwardly broken. Definitely not delivebately, but through lack of skill.
The sentiments behind the piece, may well warrant the application of pen to paper, but it has been told in this way many a time before.
All in all, its just a bad replication of something that happens too often
The sentiments behind the piece, may well warrant the application of pen to paper, but it has been told in this way many a time before.
All in all, its just a bad replication of something that happens too often
27th Jan 2013 10:25pm
Thank you for the input, I am definitely happy to be able to take advice from a poet as prestigious as yourself. The fact that you would take the time to help a lowly poet like myself, is invigorating. One question though. Isn't the poetry about the feeling you get when you write it? Also, then sharing that feeling with others because of the sense of community one feels? From the looks of it, you know that feeling very well. So when you see a seed being planted, why try to dig it up before it has had the opportunity to establish itself among the other flourishing plants? If you live for the wave, you will be engulfed by it in time. When the rain comes just make sure you stay dry, because unfortunately nobody cares if you drown when you support destruction. It may seem like there is no hope, but it is never too late to start living. I can only imagine what one could become if they had the blessing of this world and your amount of talent.
