deepundergroundpoetry.com
Once
There's no grit in the wind anymore;
I never need to close my eyes.
The deluge of soil and blood spill as one
and there's the invitation for a God
in every pass of the silver-geist moon.
I saw her last night, down at the river
with her feet uprooted and dangling
in the water. The wonder
of a dead embryo fused with a rose seed.
I called her Constance.
I carve the creatures I know in the biggest tree
in the center of this huge forest
then as the moon traces the bark,
hooves gallop, crickets chatter and lizards climb
out from the dark thicket.
I lost myself in the glory of the forest.
Now my skin is loose and the sky calls me home.
I carve a young man in the trunk
before I walk back through old suns.
The last carving any place will know.
Written by
MrAlptraum
(Mr A)
Published 22nd Jan 2013
| Edited 24th Jan 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 14
reads 984
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Once
Anonymous
22nd Jan 2013 12:40pm
This is going to sound weird, but I was pretty obsessed with the movie 'Antichrist' for about 3 weeks not so long back (I get obsessed with things temporarily, it's just something I do) and this poem took me back there.
The imagery is dreamlike. Superb.
The imagery is dreamlike. Superb.
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re: Re: Once
22nd Jan 2013 12:43pm
I love that film; beautifully made.
Glad you saw what you did in this, Missy. Bless ya little cotton socks.
Glad you saw what you did in this, Missy. Bless ya little cotton socks.
Re: Once
22nd Jan 2013 1:38pm
subtly stunning~
dreamlike indeed~
masterful dreamscape,
quietly
drawn
dreamlike indeed~
masterful dreamscape,
quietly
drawn
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Re: Once
22nd Jan 2013 2:39pm
Some of your word choices are just exquisite A. You have definitely notched it up with this one. :)
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re: Re: Once
22nd Jan 2013 5:21pm
Thank you, Maggie. Was an idea I'd been toying with, but its clarity only came today.
Again, thanks for the praise.
Again, thanks for the praise.
Re: Once
Anonymous
22nd Jan 2013 5:27pm
I think if you focused on creating a narrative or fictional character you could make really awesome, publishable poetry. Your gift for images, imbued with subtle emotional meanings, is wonderful; they'd be even more potent if married with storytelling. JMHO of course. Thanks for the read.
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re: Re: Once
22nd Jan 2013 5:35pm
That's very kind of you to say so, Jack, and it's something I'd like to do in the not so distant future.
Adopting stories with characters and connected poems would be a good idea, but it takes a lot of focus.
Cheers for the praise, Jack. X
Adopting stories with characters and connected poems would be a good idea, but it takes a lot of focus.
Cheers for the praise, Jack. X
re: re: Re: Once
23rd Jan 2013 8:53am
Yes. This exactly mr A. I feel like you are the artist who is fantastic with the brush, but aint painted nothin' yet...but that opinion is seen through the filter of my own lust for stories.
People remember stories, reflect and react to stories.
hh.
(well said, jacky boy)
People remember stories, reflect and react to stories.
hh.
(well said, jacky boy)
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re: re: re: Re: Once
Good of you to visit, Hemi.
The intention of this was just to show a face of man and his nature through a little fantasy, but
the seed's planted, though I'm a bit worried my narratives could fall out like Herman Melville with Moby Dick.
Gonna give it a go. Cheers.
The intention of this was just to show a face of man and his nature through a little fantasy, but
the seed's planted, though I'm a bit worried my narratives could fall out like Herman Melville with Moby Dick.
Gonna give it a go. Cheers.
Re: Once
23rd Jan 2013 2:52am
re: Re: Once
23rd Jan 2013 8:08am
Re: Once
23rd Jan 2013 2:06pm
Your vivid narrative took me exactly where I wanna be today...some place peaceful and quiet only cuddled by nature.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing.
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re: Re: Once
24th Jan 2013 9:48am