deepundergroundpoetry.com
They were pretty good burgers.
I was walking down
the streets of
manhattan and
came upon a sign
that said
WORLD'S BEST BURGERS
and i was
reminded of the girls
who said they gave
the best head
the best fucks
the best handys
the best ass
and none of them did
but i said they did
and i walked into
that burger joint
and ordered the burger
and said
it was
the very
best
i've had.
the streets of
manhattan and
came upon a sign
that said
WORLD'S BEST BURGERS
and i was
reminded of the girls
who said they gave
the best head
the best fucks
the best handys
the best ass
and none of them did
but i said they did
and i walked into
that burger joint
and ordered the burger
and said
it was
the very
best
i've had.
Published 20th Jan 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
20th Jan 2013 12:42pm
Interesting outlook, I'd say, Mito.
I love the way you end the poem, reducing the lines...to make it feel as if you're enjoying each last bite, chew and swallowful.....satisfying.
Small thing, though.
Check to place apostrophe in that cap-section.
Tidespotter
Ps. Glad you enjoyed your...er....BURGER! :-)
I love the way you end the poem, reducing the lines...to make it feel as if you're enjoying each last bite, chew and swallowful.....satisfying.
Small thing, though.
Check to place apostrophe in that cap-section.
Tidespotter
Ps. Glad you enjoyed your...er....BURGER! :-)
20th Jan 2013 1:06pm
Thank you!
i think i fixed it? i'm not very good at dat grammar and punctuation stuff. :P
And The worlds best until the next one!
i think i fixed it? i'm not very good at dat grammar and punctuation stuff. :P
And The worlds best until the next one!
Anonymous
- Edited 20th Jan 2013 1:23pm
20th Jan 2013 1:20pm
Cool, man.
Don't sweat it, you write well...and you encouraged honest critique.
This is what I always keep in mind:
Dat grammar and stuff is the railroad on which YOUR train of thoughts and ideas must ride...so, make sure you have a stable basis...in the railroad.....
Sounds like an idea you're giving me now....wait...I gotta go now....pen some more now....thanks a bunch.......plus, I'm gettin' a tad peckish...yeah, maybe I'll get me a pretty good b......
:-))
Tidespotter
Don't sweat it, you write well...and you encouraged honest critique.
This is what I always keep in mind:
Dat grammar and stuff is the railroad on which YOUR train of thoughts and ideas must ride...so, make sure you have a stable basis...in the railroad.....
Sounds like an idea you're giving me now....wait...I gotta go now....pen some more now....thanks a bunch.......plus, I'm gettin' a tad peckish...yeah, maybe I'll get me a pretty good b......
:-))
Tidespotter
