Perfect [Obsession]

vividly vivid and brilliantly brilliant

Thank you so much! I'm so glad it came across. [:

This is fantastic. It's surface eloquence really intensifies the deeper ideas...and creates this almost..tension, I think, which mirrors the content really well...obsession bubbling just under the surface.

I always appreciate your feedback on any write I've seen you leave feedback on. Thank you for reading and seeing more than I could have put into it! [:

The pattern of scripting is fresh to read in this site, and you are fabulous. Carried it well indeed!!!

You are too kind. I can only hope to be worthy of posting with the rest of you! Thank you. [:

I like the I will never be who you thought I would become and never will become who I would like to be, good poetry

Thank you. Tepid sucks. [:

I would make a comment, but it has already been said. Well written, and the style is unlike I've seen in a long time. I think, in a way, I identify with you through this piece, or at least the spirit you put into it. Keep up the writing. :D

Thanks! I appreciate the feedback. It was the first thing I wrote seriously and probably the only thing I would really want to post because the writing angel only hovers over me very rarely. haha Thank you for reading. [:

so sweet of you to say! that line might have been enough for the whole write, it sums it up i think. thank you so much for the reads and encouragement. [:

"That, in my opinion, was the most diabolical aspect of those old-time big brains: They would tell their owners, in effect, “Here is a crazy thing we could actually do, probably, but we would never do it, of course. It’s just fun to think about.” And then, as though in trances, the people would really do it—have slaves fight each other to the death in the Colosseum, or burn people alive in the public square for holding opinions which were locally unpopular, or build factories whose only purpose was to kill people in industrial quantities, or to blow up whole cities, and on and on." - from "Galapagos" by Kurt Vonnegut

hahaa, yep, people end up doing those things (rotten or not) if they think about it enough. or the curiosity, the primal human nature takes over and just triggers that inner tick.. thank you for the excerpt and the astounding compliment that i really don't think i deserve. this wasn't as well thought out as it might seem, it sort of fell off my head really quickly (well the first version did) and at the time it felt like a part of me had opened up. i haven't had that but once since i wrote this, so it's a standard i hope *not* to be held to! haha thanks again, and please feel free to leave any advice that you've got. [:

firstly what a great poem. everyone else has extolled all it's virtues. and it has a surplus of those.
while making for a great read for me in places it needs more imagery
particularly here;

make me realize what I am, what I could be, what is there but never unearthed;  the simmering, the hidden -- the lie and the light.

for me you could/should show what you could be, show us what is there but never unearthed. while it reads well it's a little , a lot telly. while i have to accept the tell i would have loved to see you show me, (you write well enough to do that)
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here for me is an example of cliché;

I find myself obsessed, haunted by his words. Written in lust, seething, heartbreak, but most desire and a yearning for more.    
 
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Passion in the every day eludes me. I've become numb.  Numbed myself to the onslaught  of whatever I perceived as pain  and as a result, have become an analyst. Not completely dead, but on the way there,  picking and checking as I go along.;

for me the above while bland is perfect,  it gives the reader a feeling of what the 1st person is going through and somehow transmits the emotion of it to them
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Ha!    [ i love these interjections]
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What a relief! What a completely  disastrous relief, to see it come crumbling down.  To watch as all the  checks and controls explode from their lofty places  and concuss me enough  to lower my inhibitions: the defenses erected in the  jaded  anticipation of another war



again i find the above to be spot on in getting the sense resignation across to the reader. excellent.[defences] not defenses
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Bring me no offerings of  peace, I don't need them any more.  I've already surrendered, begging you with my body for another bite;  asking, through intending carress,  for you to grind all you have into my  craving desire  and rip away anything that dares to shield my skin from your starving kiss.    
 
(caress not carress) great lines, i wish they were mine.
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Unabated lust,  in love again with the freedom  from expectation or habit.  Feel this passion for me that I dream for you at night--the rebellion against the long chaotic days.  
 
for me the above lacks something, it's feels a little like an achor to what is a great poem. (more lust and love, could it be said in a different way? )
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Remember the pen of the poet.   I have no will to stop.  
 
the last couplet feel for me to be tacked on. i can't see it adding anything. in fact i think it ,makes a really strong poem a little cheesy.
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that said, i think it's worthy of publishing as it is. it would with a small edit be worthy of publishing as something extra special. everything i said is just my honest opinion, no malice was intended. if i could write as well as this i would be happy

thanks for the read.

thank you so much for your critique! i'm going to find some quiet time to try and apply it and maybe repost the poem if i think it's okay. i'm so glad you liked it and cared enough to leave some constructive feedback. the first version of this was my first try at poetry after being introduced to modern sort of...prose, i guess. i've recently revised it, but i think you're right, it feels a bit cheesy and lacklustre in some places. thanks again, stop in any time. [:

thank you for being so gracious. just remember you're the one in charge. always feel free to ignore feedback if you think it wrong.

well i don't really think of it as being gracious, i genuinely appreciate the crititque. i'd like to get better and this gives me a project, kind of a template challenge. i enjoy it. i was almost against changing the second stanza just because it IS hidden and simmering and all that nonsense, i thought it might just stay that way. But I tried to expand it with some imagery like you suggested and i like it better. go check v.2 and give me your honest opinion!

Love it!

thank you! i've had some trouble with it in my head lately, so thanks for the encouragement! [:

Proof positive that substances that you can ingest, shoot up or smoke aren't the only things that can cause an addictive like state!

Oh definitely. I find myself addicted to all sorts of non-absorbable items... [:
Thanks for stopping in, Jazzman.

oh Dan, nobody was supposed to find this embarrassing part of the journey. I very much appreciate your heading through the catalogue, but please get yourself back to the top before I die 😄