Behind Her Solitude

She's led me
to believe for years
that she needs not a soul
not only needs she not just me
but not a soul her own.
She operates with skillful poise,
her rules control all toys.
And when she finally breaks
and says, the news is flat line red.

"I've never felt I looked
the part of being what you want.
My cooking never met the grade,  
my sex it had no heart.
I gagged and wretched
in all discomfort
with not a moment's bliss.
I never like your smell or touch,
I loathed each time we kissed.
But you were safe
and loved me
as best as best you can
and better to have something nice
than other sorts of man.

I know it's all dishonest
and in settling never cared,
you did much more
than others might
for that I have some service.

But I have never loved you,
never formed within my heart
a single shredded memory
of Christmas, fireworks or art.

Not one morsel
of that sense of invitation
has ever past my lips,
a moment wet,
no climaxed inclination.

You've carried packages
and packed the car a thousand times
and felt just like a busboy
whose work was done by spine.
It's true I stayed
and ran the house
and ran this mighty ship
but never in my heart you went,
I'd have none of it.

But now upon your death I feel
at least this somewhat said
to some degree more lonely now
I'll be since now you're dead."

runningturtle87