Some People Just Dont Understand The Word No

It seem like it was just yesterday,
as i replay the horrific images that stay still in my mind,
Still constantly reminded of my first time,
only my first time wasn't something a young girl like to talk about, And when i say young i mean ten years young,
I was push and force by a man holding a gun
The first thing he said was that i had a pretty face,
then directed me to take off my clothes as we enter his place,
I started kicking and screaming only to be spray with mace, all that was going through my mind was how could this happen to me,
Looking up at his penis on my bending knees,
still old enough to realize what was about to happen next,
this man old enough to be my father starts to kiss and caress my neck, As his hands move slowly down toward ma private parts, i knew at this moment my innocents was gone,
it was gone and was never going to come back,
All that was racing through my mind was how i was going to attack, how was i going to set free,As the tears roll down my face and hit the floor, i knew i could.nt take this abuse anymore, i cry and scream and beg him please to stop,
This man as if her did;nt hear me continues to remove my top, at this point i knew there has to be something i can do, their had to be someone around that could help me,
Why couldn't anybody hear me, why was i all alone, this man this craze man just starts to moan and moan,
Finally it was all over and i guess he was done, because when he got off me he had the nerve to ask me if i had fun,
About twenty years had gone by and now am thirty, I'm sitting around a table of young teenage girl that were once in my position, signing each of their book i wrote it was my newest edition,As i begin to tell them the story you are reading now, telling them a part of my childhood i kept hidden inside, hidden inside for so long, Telling them that they just gotta be strong, was all i could say, how could i say it wasn't going to happen to them, how could i say they were;nt next,
I didn't have all the answers, because i still was still unsure, unsure to why it was me, why i was a target, but nobody no why things happen, It's just part of the world, part of society,
so all i can leave you with, and say to those young girls,
I don't know why it was you,
I don't know why you were the target,
I don't know why no one was there ,
I don't know why he didn't care,
But I DO KNOW
It wasn't your fault,
You are not alone,
There is always someone who cares and loves you,
And most of all it's not your PROBLEM.

By: Nisha Deez