deepundergroundpoetry.com
Playwritten Life Sorrows II (Love Hives)
Ive broke out in hives, each shaped like your name
Is it an alergy? A virus? Or is it I have to blame?
Did I do it in my sleep scratching myself with this knife?
Or is this virus so advanced, its aware of my life?
In any regard, Im covered, from my head to my toe
And it all started that night, the anniversary of our show
Have I told you? my stage? left empty? the broken heart?
Its been seven long years that ive been auditioning your part?
No one has read with such a passion, anywhere near next to you
And no one has upstaged me, the way that you always used to
Well, for you my dear, in my life, sadly theres no other replacement
Thus my shows gone from broadway , to a producers dark basement
Now the only thing left of that broadway show to see
Are these damned hives in the shapes of, L.O.V. and E.
Is it an alergy? A virus? Or is it I have to blame?
Did I do it in my sleep scratching myself with this knife?
Or is this virus so advanced, its aware of my life?
In any regard, Im covered, from my head to my toe
And it all started that night, the anniversary of our show
Have I told you? my stage? left empty? the broken heart?
Its been seven long years that ive been auditioning your part?
No one has read with such a passion, anywhere near next to you
And no one has upstaged me, the way that you always used to
Well, for you my dear, in my life, sadly theres no other replacement
Thus my shows gone from broadway , to a producers dark basement
Now the only thing left of that broadway show to see
Are these damned hives in the shapes of, L.O.V. and E.
Published 19th Dec 2012
| Edited 25th Dec 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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19th Dec 2012 6:50am
Spelling and at some points it did not make sense to me (grammatically). I really enjoyed the beginning, and the end. It was an interesting idea. The middle doesn't seem to tie the poem together too well
I hear ya, its a sprout off of another poem ive posted comparing a relationship to a play write...good call though, thank you. And there are 2 parts that I left grammatically incorrect because I thought it helped it roll off the tongue better. I may look into a possible revision, but may also keep as is to remain part of a series. Thank you for the comment!
20th Dec 2012 11:22pm
I found this quite interesting and it flowed really well. It does get under ones skin so you can almost see it. Great job artkytech. :)
25th Dec 2012 1:27am
Fuck grammar. Twist the words as such until they don't stammer. Each one line hammered.
Body modification through verse is a good illustration. Pain rides to the very surface because it can't be held in, until it makes its own statement? I love prose that explores the idea that the feeling, the verse, the want runs its own course. It makes the author feel alot more like a modern day Prometheus. This one's right up there!
Body modification through verse is a good illustration. Pain rides to the very surface because it can't be held in, until it makes its own statement? I love prose that explores the idea that the feeling, the verse, the want runs its own course. It makes the author feel alot more like a modern day Prometheus. This one's right up there!
