Contemplations

I
feel like
I been walking backward in
a time warp
Now my...
feet are sore
feel like I been walkin
on pitch forks...

Even though it hurts to
face the past everyday

It hurts more...
when I try to shut that door.

I feel like I been trying
to swim ...up stream
as I'm drownin...
in dreams... shoutin
Tryin to over stand
what it all means
In the middle of the night...

It's my joint that I light...
As I try to assemble my thoughts
and get my head right
I been slippin..and I know it.
But I'm a soldier...
so I ...try not to show it

I pay my penance ...and my dues
As I try not to wallow in my blues
thinkin back on how I been
used..and abused...
I inhale deep
So I don't get confused.
This way .... I stay sane  
As Tears fall...
I settle into my pain

Just for a moment...
cause in order to release it..
You gotta own it.

I got my favorite scars
right here...
right near...
my heart

Feels like I'm
dancin with the devil
in the dark.
So I let it all go
Up in smoke
for another night
Questions on my mind
about this life
Maybe ...
when I wake up
I'll have enough wind
to try this shit again
And live in the light...
Until...
the past comes to visit
another night