On the First Intake

Electricity,
Violently through me...
Pain followed by the gentle
Aftershock of bliss. I am
Complete.
 
That hole that was
Once my soul is  
Now filled. I wish I
Could say that I regret
Doing this, but it's
The only way I can feel
Okay. The only way.
 
My heart beats, and
The whole room is
Spinning. Spinning.
Spinning. Spinning.
And I love the way
That it feels. Heaven
Is so far out of my
Grasp, but Hell is
Easy to fall in to.
 
I'm flying... falling...
Crashing and burning...
Dying... yearning...
I want more. Oh, how
I want more. My body  
Craves. But, I know,
I'm not addicted. Yet.
 
The word burns itself
Into my mind. Yet...  
Yet... Yet? What am I  
Even doing to myself?
I need to relax. Life
Is only a game anyway.
A game. Just a game.