deepundergroundpoetry.com
Forbidden love
I see her but can’t touch her,
forced to hide my desires like motives undercover
Closed eyes I fantasize, in every moment we are lovers,
then the harsh reality snaps back to me and make me close up like a shutter,
wish I could open up,but in that brief moment that our hands brushed in a touch,
I felt theres no need,its appearent that im as transparent as polished silver or steel.
My heart makes an appeal, u leave me mesmerised that’s y I avert my eyes from the gazes we steal.
wish I could let myself go, I know im better off alone
But my brain has no regards: A mind with a mind of its own.
wrote this in 2 mins as an intro to the site, feed is welcome thnx.
forced to hide my desires like motives undercover
Closed eyes I fantasize, in every moment we are lovers,
then the harsh reality snaps back to me and make me close up like a shutter,
wish I could open up,but in that brief moment that our hands brushed in a touch,
I felt theres no need,its appearent that im as transparent as polished silver or steel.
My heart makes an appeal, u leave me mesmerised that’s y I avert my eyes from the gazes we steal.
wish I could let myself go, I know im better off alone
But my brain has no regards: A mind with a mind of its own.
wrote this in 2 mins as an intro to the site, feed is welcome thnx.
Published 1st Sep 2009
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1st Sep 2009 8:50am
3rd Sep 2009 3:45am
21st Jul 2011 1:28pm
It wasn't too bad, I got a little bit stuck when you seemed to introduce a bit of rhyme out of nowhere around lines 6 and 7. Seemed to interrupt the flow a little bit as it wasn't expected. I sort of wondered if I'd missed other rhymes because I wasn't reading the poem right.
Knowing that you wrote it in 2 minutes, I'd definitely consider revising it and working on it a bit more. I'd like to feel more from this poem. You have some metaphors in there so perhaps work on expanding those a little bit.
Knowing that you wrote it in 2 minutes, I'd definitely consider revising it and working on it a bit more. I'd like to feel more from this poem. You have some metaphors in there so perhaps work on expanding those a little bit.
4th Jul 2014 6:54am
Hello, I am publishing a book of poetry compilations from different teenage writers and was wondering if you would be interested in submitting an entry?
