To be Beside you

I can't stand to be
Beside you... even
If it's only for a brief
Moment. It just hurts so
Much. It feels like you
hammered a nail into
My heart. You already  
Knew my heart was
Completely yours to
Break. Well, it's not
Yours anymore, but I
Can still feel the pain.
It's as real as it was just
Yesterday. It still feels
The same. And it won't
Fucking go away. I can't
Get away from that
Promise that I made to
Always love you. It breaks
me inside to break a
Promise I made to you.
Even a promise you didn't
Keep in return. I suppose
We both knew it was utterly
Impossible to keep that
When we were both so young,
But we tried. But the smell
Of fresh blood on my
Fingertips only reminds me
Of tearing my own heart
Out in order to give it to you.
Some days I want you to go
Some days I am the one
Who can't bare to stay away.
Sometimes, my wrists cry
Out in pain with tears of blood.
Sometimes, I just can't stand
To be beside you. To have
You so close to me. I
Wish you were closer, yet I
Hold my breath tight in my
Lungs until the moment that you
Walk away. Then, everything is
Almost okay. I can still feel that
Loss , even when I've found better.
I can still feel the storm, though
I found shelter. And right now,
Being beside you feels like Hell,
But one day, I'll get through.
One day, I'll be over you. I'll be
Able to look at your face and see
You and not the love you once
Made with me. I don't know when
That'll be, maybe not until I die,
But one day these memories
Will mean nothing to me. I will
Walk away and everything will
Be okay. For right now, I'll just
Sit in my regular chair in the library
And if anyone asks I will tell them
That I'm fine. Because, pain
Subsides.