For You

Granted, this is an angry poem, probably of course, written in anger, so its apparent rough-and-readiness is understandable, but it might be more powerful if you go back and clean up the rhythm a bit.  Many of the lines have too many syllables--I mean--the number of syllables slows the pace of the reading--it gets choppy.  Think if you were reading this aloud to the person you might have written this for.  Would you rather wield your tounge like a knife in a slasher's deft hand?  Or would you rather get stopped up and slowed down by a bunch of little obstacles?

Good advice, I think I might go back and revise, but I tend to be the person who just writes then never goes back to modify. Hurts my writing, I suppose, but I am all about raw, unedited emotion.

Thanks for the comment and advice. (:

Again, writing for an audience is not about the raw, unedited emotion.  It's about the raw, unedited emotion that's been worked on, with skill, to make it something anyone, anywhere who speaks the same language can appreciate or at least start to understand.  Again, you say you want to improve, yet you are happily married to only the emotions that led you to write, and not, apparently, interested at all in actually improving as a writer.  (That may be a bit blunt, but, hey, this poem is a bit blunt, too, isn't it...?

Not so much blunt as it is offensive.

I've said it twice now I think, and if I come off rude here I'm sorry but it's because the same line has now offended me twice and I'm a bit on the defense.

I never came here to please another person. My writing was never created for another person, not my poetry at least, so I don't really mind if my readers don't enjoy my writing or not. Those who do will continue to read, and those who don't will find someone who suits their tastes better. My emotions are what caused me to start writing poetry, yes, but I started seven years ago and my poetry has far improved. Just because I don't want to edit my work does not mean I do not want to improve, I take suggestions and store them for my future pieces. Editing my past work defeats the purpose of me to having them here and published.

I want to be able to read back on poetry where it's raw and semi-unreadable and compare it to how much better I got as I aged in my writing career. Besides, poetry is not my foreit and I do not plan to ever carry it past just writing out my anger and feelings.

And I do apologize, but I'm not going to thank you for this comment as I found it offensive, whether you meant it to come off that way or not.

This piece may have been fun to write.  But is it more important, upon publishing it, that it was fun to write, or that the reader has a potent moment in reading it?

Of course, again, this is a social site, and publishing just your anger about something or someone that causes you anger may be acceptable.  But again, I am responding to your statement that you wanted honest opinions on your WRITING.  Did you only want honest opinions on your feelings?

Again, you're being offensive here. Please do not comment on my writing if it's just going to be personal comments toward me. Other than this here, I will re-direct you to the response I made above your post here.

Please, feel very free to comment on my own writing as you see fit.  It may be that I overlook things that need more care.  I would be happy to have that pointed out for me if I haven't found it myself, 'cause then I could go back and fix it, so it would maybe be a better experience for both writer AND reader.

Here's my advice, what your writing to me on this poem in my comments definitely needs revision.

It's not blunt, it's rude and it makes the reader (myself) feel personally insulted just because I did not want to edit my work. Before you decide to comment on my poetry as me just wanting commenting on my emotions, perhaps you should have asked me why I don't like revising because my reasoning makes both of your previous comments to me look unreasonably rude.

Until I came to your comments on this poem, I thought you were very kind and insightful, but in this moment right now I am finding you very arrogant and offensive. THAT is my honest opinion on your writing at this moment.