I'm thoughtless..

Dear diary,

Sometimes I'm positive I'm insane.
I watch all the blood drain,
Sometimes I deeply enjoy the pain.
Every week I'm getting new blades,
I feel like I'm incapable of stopping.
Then I go to my bed side,
I grab a hand full of pills and start dropping.

My dreams are pretty wired at times aswell,
One night I'm starring at the stars with an angel
Then the next my eyes flutter open in the caverns of hell.
Some twisted tales I could tell,
But there all locked away.
There are reasons for that,
I feel like no matter what I say I'll be judged.
I've honestly had people just look at me,
And the first thing they do is compare me to the grudge.

Maby it's people that make me insane,
But then that doesn't make sense either.
I'm reclusive a lot of the time,
where I'm not wanted I normally wouldn't spend a dime.
What if earth isn't the place for me...
I don't have a place where I belong.
Few places do I actually care to be..

I should just end my life,
This sounds like a great idea usually..
I don't know why I stay,
I guess I'll know someday..