what it wasn't and would never have been

you want me to love you   
give me something to love   
right now we’re nothing more than liars   
tangled in bed sheets      
searching for a four letter word      
and it isn’t love      
      
we met a long time ago   
under false pretences   
you had a rap sheet longer than my arm   
a history of domestic violence   
in your search for the “perfect” woman   
      
and me, I was just a little whore   
trying to find love in broken people      
letting men push me around   
like I’d been shown to do   
      
how did it feel to lie to your girlfriend   
after you’d filled me with your cock   
and left me glowing in the deceit of you?      
      
I remember the time you punched a hole in the wall   
after I wouldn’t do      
what you wanted me to     
      
you should have just kept my cunt   
maybe scalped me for the scent of my undyed hair   
that you loved to bury your face in   
      
instead I let you bury me in lust and lies      
and fanciful promises   
as though everything could be fixed      
with flowers stolen from a garden   
because you were too cheap   
to buy me any      
like a real man      
      
did I ever tell you how I laughed   
when your woman found out about me   
and beat you up      
you, the strong woman beating man   
unable to lay a finger on her   
as not to break probation   
      
I thought it was funny when she called me   
curious about the girl whose cunt you’d be been hiding out in   
twenty four years younger than your beloved missus   
who was old enough to be your mother   
      
I wonder how you lied your way out of that one      
or if you did at all   
you had a way with words that was almost convincing   
but I’d already lived a life filled with liars   
      
I still remember the last time I saw you   
my belly full with your bastard child   
that died not long after daylight hit her face   
you kissed me and touched my swollen womb   
never knowing it would be the last time   
you’d have the chance to assault them   
      
with my girl gone   
I had no reason to keep you   
no misguided obligation  
to try and make  a dysfunctional family work   
for the sake of once tangled bed sheets      
      
you'll never know how she saved my life   
opened the door for better things ahead   
and I’m proud to say      
I’ve never looked back   
      
-Eve-