(cognitive dissonance)

i feel the need to
express myself,
expand my wealth,
destroy my health,
yet still allow myself the ability to live long.
can't tell what's me or the world within' me, strength
seems relative when compared to the cognitive dissonance,
resonace rising in the radiating waves of myself,
not myself, the true one,
the one who's not mine.

now the clouds from the trees that aren't pine
resinate and rise while i resign
from reality as time slows down
and
stops.
is it better to exist or not?