deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Forgotten
Where are you, you bastard
You're like an ale tankard
Promising high spirits
But feeling you is like shit
You're supposed to be benevolent
Well, my patience is all spent
When I needed you the most
You left me to drift and coast
Why should I believe in you
You never helped me to do
You sit up there on your throne
And I'm left to shine like stone
Well, I don't have time for you
I'll live my life the way I want to
You can go to Hell
That would be just swell!!!!
You're like an ale tankard
Promising high spirits
But feeling you is like shit
You're supposed to be benevolent
Well, my patience is all spent
When I needed you the most
You left me to drift and coast
Why should I believe in you
You never helped me to do
You sit up there on your throne
And I'm left to shine like stone
Well, I don't have time for you
I'll live my life the way I want to
You can go to Hell
That would be just swell!!!!
Published 29th May 2010
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29th May 2010 8:26am
...why you think this is a poem anyone would get excited about except perhaps yourself. Do ale tankards feel like shit, do all stones shine. Do a few simple rhymes constitute poetry and finally (& I don't mean to appear unkind) can you improve the process of turning your emotions into words in poetic fashion for your next piece?
29th May 2010 7:18pm
I didn't write this poem for anyone to get excited about. I wrote it to let my feelings out so they wouldn't stifle me anymore.
Anonymous
29th May 2010 7:16pm
I appreciate the sentiment behind your poem, the rage is palpable and fierce, and your rhyme scheme is nicely robust, but, as Abra pointed out (though he could have done it less bluntly) your metaphors are a bit confused. Sometimes you have to sacrifice rhyme for cohesion; I used to have the same trouble, because I was fairly obsessed with rhythms.
