deepundergroundpoetry.com
Troublesome Party Nights
I spend all day getting ready.
Looking perfect for you.
I spend the ride there thinking,
of what to say to you.
I step through the door,
and go straight to you.
It’s funny when you hug me,
just the way you do.
You may annoy,
and I may chase,
but you still embrace.
We talk for so long.
Someone brings up a dance,
you say you know who to bring.
Now I'm in a trance.
I ask and plead u can trust me,
only to find that your dream date isn't me.
I lay my head in the grass,
gazing upon the stars,
trying to think of a way to clear my mind.
You come to see what’s up,
as I try to fake a smile as my disguise.
I wonder if you know that I like you,
I wonder if you like me too.
I talk to your friends about you;
they don't know what to do.
They told me to tell you,
so here's what I shall do.
I am sitting here writing this,
just for you.
In hopes you will read it,
and feel the same way I do.
But till you read it all I can do is wish upon the stars,
and hope that you love me as I do you.
Looking perfect for you.
I spend the ride there thinking,
of what to say to you.
I step through the door,
and go straight to you.
It’s funny when you hug me,
just the way you do.
You may annoy,
and I may chase,
but you still embrace.
We talk for so long.
Someone brings up a dance,
you say you know who to bring.
Now I'm in a trance.
I ask and plead u can trust me,
only to find that your dream date isn't me.
I lay my head in the grass,
gazing upon the stars,
trying to think of a way to clear my mind.
You come to see what’s up,
as I try to fake a smile as my disguise.
I wonder if you know that I like you,
I wonder if you like me too.
I talk to your friends about you;
they don't know what to do.
They told me to tell you,
so here's what I shall do.
I am sitting here writing this,
just for you.
In hopes you will read it,
and feel the same way I do.
But till you read it all I can do is wish upon the stars,
and hope that you love me as I do you.
Published 21st Oct 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
21st Oct 2012 7:35pm
21st Oct 2012 10:10pm
22nd Oct 2012 6:46pm
I think anyone could relate to this piece, simply because I think we have all been in that place. I think that there are places where the lines could lose personal identifiers, like...
"I spend the ride there thinking,
of what to say to you."
I think this could instead work as
"Spend the ride there thinking,
Of what I am going to say."
Just a idea. I think that by doing that it makes it less individualized, and more open to the audience to place themselves in the piece. It also helps create a feeling of a story running in someones head as it happens. The piece still affected me though. It is touching the way that you describe the interaction, and the shift in the poem, and the "friends" obliviousness just helps to reinforce the idea of thoughts remaining in the mind.
"I spend the ride there thinking,
of what to say to you."
I think this could instead work as
"Spend the ride there thinking,
Of what I am going to say."
Just a idea. I think that by doing that it makes it less individualized, and more open to the audience to place themselves in the piece. It also helps create a feeling of a story running in someones head as it happens. The piece still affected me though. It is touching the way that you describe the interaction, and the shift in the poem, and the "friends" obliviousness just helps to reinforce the idea of thoughts remaining in the mind.
