Out of Darkness Into Darkness

            
18 years of age-

     I miss my good friends and the emotions happily married under the sun. The smiling faces and the gleaming eyes are what made my life complete, but now defeat feels like it has emerged as now grew older only to be dragged into darkness by my own shadow. I've hit a wall, and I seem to be that wall.
     The walls are so tall reaching to the clouds of my mind. Intimidating and almost impenetrable I dig through inch by inch with a spoon each day. Little sunlight shines though the window of this prison above. I have had violent nightmares and dreams of tension against myself while I have been trapped.  However, beyond the grip of iron is a vast tundra with few trees that is cold and harsh. Its forbidden wilderness is frightening with the creatures it beholds, yet it calls out my name. The question every day is if the freedom is worth the risk of being thrown into natures danger, or is it better to be within tin the safety of loneliness.

20 years of age-
     
     Bending and breaking there is still digging to do to reach the end of the tunnel to lead outside the prison. Whether it is a light at the end of the tunnel or that death awaits on the other side of this old, worn out place; I still want to have a place to call home when I reach the end. Home could mean to anything to anyone, but for me it has a special place.
     It seems like a fantasy, but the saying goes that there is work to be done to make dreams become real. How can I craft something out of nothing? Pull the thoughts from my ears and make them alive; Or is this notion simply a superstition like ghosts, goblins and other mystical creatures or forces are. Maybe I should create this imaginary world, and paint it across the skies of my own inner-personal place. Will it be too wild to bring into my life-to strung out to accomplish?

22 years of age- part 1
       
     Its been 4 years since I had started my crawl out. The spoon is bent, but I am finally free. I finally settled down and made a fire to keep myself warm. I have found some companions in this cold, yet snowy and beautiful world. We laugh and have our good times. Routines have finally become a part of group as we decided each of our responsibility.
22 years of age- part 2

          Half a year has passed and the coldness of the world hits with its blizzards. Times have become little lonely. I have found someone to love to keep me from becoming frozen. I am still a part of the pack that I have settled with and they help me from time to time too. It seems like I was the last one to find a mate whom could keep this heart away from being hurt by the outside world. However I have had this funny feeling, as if the shadows have been watching me.

23 years of age- part 1

     Things have gone wrong since time has passed. It is next year. Although me and my other half have had fun with the rest of the settlers here tensions have grown. It is time for me to move out. Me and my other half will be living with each other. The tools and supplies will not be as great as they are at my current home; it will be better than being in an inhospitable environment of anger. The good times will be missed both happy and sad, and even the sick times when no-one was feeling well.

23 years of age-part 2

     Things went totally wrong. My other half is always yelling at me, and she almost does nothing but go to work and seek pleasure as a form knowing she has any feeling in the world. I feel like I am burdened with everything in my new home. Emotions, logic, and self dignity seems to have jumped off the cliff as even my other half had tried to get pleasure forcefully from her friend. Love like this should not be hurting both of us and the friends that are brought into our lives. Something has to end. It is a cold an icy rain today from this world.

23 years of age -part 3

     It was very painful. The tears and the heart-ache were the breaking point of my own mind. I did not want to do it, but it seems I have been hurt too many times. This was the definition of desperate love for just acknowledged. The time I had found this to be my heart became frozen again. The only place I had to go to was the warmth of my prison. The same place I had put much sweat and blood to crawl though. Shadows finally pulled me back in and welcomed me with open arms. As I look back maybe I am not ready for the cold and cruel world. One day however, I hope I can prove otherwise and make my dreams a reality once more.