Uncertain

I've realized I've been searching for love my entire life

Trying to fill those voids that my father left empty and my mother left half filled

See at some point I became optimistic for her

Time just ran out for me and him though

But as he and I grow

to become better men outside those uncharted roads

hoping our sons and daughters don't have to witness

Nor feel

The emptiness of how two individuals could create a seed to flourish above concrete decisions

and yet live so free

Where's my liberty?

Then again

Ones addiction and the others encryption

inside my chromosomes I deemed never to do drugs reminiscent of my mother and vowed never to be absent like my father's perfect fatherless description

but I forgot he played on women and that's just one similarity I really couldn't get away from

out of however many days he was here

Too few to count

And arithmetic had never been my favorite subject

I try to imagine how junior feels

I couldn't tell you if it's the dealer or the cutter

But in this game of life the hand I was dealt should have really been a misdeal

And now my brother drinks like he's looking for a message in the bottom of the bottle

It's in that state he finds joy

I just wonder when he finally reads it
it wills signatures of those obstacles he faced as a boy

Maybe he'll find something for the both of us

Like a hidden letter filled with encouraging words from my sister

stating how she is standing near the both of us

Touching all seven of us

Unlikely though

I question if it was suppose to rain for 30 seconds today through a blue sky

With a night so dark I guess it was suppose to make me feel like a new guy

Only if you knew why

I been probing for love inside Hurt Inn

Not knowing until the beginning of this year

each one of you women were just buckets I dropped my tears in

minus one of you

that love we experienced was really true

Now I'm

Recognizing that together my brother

We'll share this time to toast to that good life we dream of

Hell. . . . . . . . . . .  cheers then

12 cans of beers

facing apes inside a bears den

The lining of my-self image has blurred

I feel there's no reason for me to care when

No one else did . . . . . . . . I became a lost youth

No found man

Still learning to be swollen with pride

Just understand

I've been penetrating love my entire life

Hopefully the realization will spread

I'm at the edge

Catch me

PUSHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!