deepundergroundpoetry.com
chrysalis
they say
put the pen down
euthanize it.
Never wrote right
anyhow, they say
it dries up
or spills
is too unpredictable
and unreliable.
Ain't worth its weight
in chewed up plastic
they say.
Sure
I'll admit she's been funny
near troublesome.
Stays up late, drunken, unintelligible.
Stays in bed, hardly awakens for work
and only dots i's when it's convenient.
But
I am missing matches
and sandpaper
hear scratching
and smell sulfur.
If I didn't know better
I would think she's becoming
a zipgun
put the pen down
euthanize it.
Never wrote right
anyhow, they say
it dries up
or spills
is too unpredictable
and unreliable.
Ain't worth its weight
in chewed up plastic
they say.
Sure
I'll admit she's been funny
near troublesome.
Stays up late, drunken, unintelligible.
Stays in bed, hardly awakens for work
and only dots i's when it's convenient.
But
I am missing matches
and sandpaper
hear scratching
and smell sulfur.
If I didn't know better
I would think she's becoming
a zipgun
Published 24th Sep 2012
| Edited 25th Sep 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 3
comments 9
reads 931
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
24th Sep 2012 3:37pm
Nice light, baron.
Strider
Strider
24th Sep 2012 3:53pm
24th Sep 2012 8:03pm
24th Sep 2012 8:21pm
Anonymous
24th Sep 2012 11:53pm
Some grammatical stuff: "it's" should only have an apostrophe when used as an abbreviation of "it is". In L16 I think there should be a comma after "drunken". In L18 "i's" doesn't need an apostrophe because you're using it as a plural.
Now on to the poem itself: I liked it a lot. Your personification of the pen was witty and compelling; I'm sure many frustrated writers can sympathise with your narrator. There's also a certain grittiness in the direct, urbane speaking style. This isn't as surreal as some of your work, which is neither a good nor bad thing, but just shows some diversity. Thanks for the read.
Now on to the poem itself: I liked it a lot. Your personification of the pen was witty and compelling; I'm sure many frustrated writers can sympathise with your narrator. There's also a certain grittiness in the direct, urbane speaking style. This isn't as surreal as some of your work, which is neither a good nor bad thing, but just shows some diversity. Thanks for the read.
25th Sep 2012 00:07am
Thank you for the grammar corrections, and the comment. a further question for you,should you read this,or to anyone else that comes through- how would I write "i's" without the apostrophe and have it read plural, and not as "is"?
Anonymous
25th Sep 2012 00:26am
That's a good question. I didn't think of that. Maybe in that case an apostrophe is appropriate then. I would recommend capitalising the i, but that might change your meaning.
28th Sep 2012 12:50pm
baron
no words. hands down one of the best
from your stable.:]
was in love with it from the word go.
when i saw the title. this one is alive
and breathing. love how you have done it
mate. i say be proud of it.
very well done.
lovelight, poet
x
sumeet
no words. hands down one of the best
from your stable.:]
was in love with it from the word go.
when i saw the title. this one is alive
and breathing. love how you have done it
mate. i say be proud of it.
very well done.
lovelight, poet
x
sumeet
28th Sep 2012 2:03pm
Thank you much my friend. Ya know, I do have a bit of pride in this one. Didn't force and didn't dress it up. Reminds me of my theory- "all art is political, except political art"...in other words I think I am gettin better at not trying too hard to make it sound a certain way.
