sworn

Seen a band at a local pub.
It was my best buddy's birthday,
and being good working-class micks
we were well shot in the ass.
The pub closed, we went to another friends house.
She was having people over,
and suggested we come cap the night
with some more of the regular unleaded.
Of course we did.
      
Megan said she first noticed me
as soon as I arrived.
I had no chance to notice much
before a woman threw a scarf over my neck
and lead me to a guest room,
it might as well be Megan.
She later told me it was something in my eyes,
that she didn't usually do that.
Whatever.
We listened to Mazzy Star,
and flirted with every limit of exploration up until entry,
it was a back-pat moment for us both.
      
The morning came,
we did our walk of semi-shame
through a host of cheers,
held each other in a manner approaching meaningful,
and exchanged phone numbers.
She picked a spot of dried vomit
off my coat with her fingernail.
She said she really liked me.
I believed her.
      
A week passed in the normal manner
of when a man meets a woman.
We discussed the regular stuff,
found an interest and equilibrium in each other.
I had alot of baggage,
she had two kids,
it seemed a good start.
We were to find out that we were both artists.
She was a metalsmith, made jewelry and such.
I moved colored mud on canvas,
and played with words on paper.
Mostly I drank.
She learned to pretend she didn't notice.
Turned out we travelled
back and forth across the country
just missing each other.
We had om'ed for supper
at the same gatherings
in different states.
She said it must be fate or something.
Whatever.
      
It was eight days after we met
that she first told me that she loved me.
I couldn't bring myself to lie,
I did indeed like her,
but couldn't yet return those words.
She said there was just something about me,
that she never said that before so soon.
She later found out I had slept with another girl
earlier that same day.
The good start slowed down a bit.
      
Amends did root themselves,
and within a month
we were established as an item.
Didn't take long for my baggage to catch up to me.
My probation officer insisted on seeing me.
I knew what he wanted.
She hid me in her attic,
and when eventually I went away,
she wrote and visited.
I told her I was in love.
      
We had a great time together.
Her pussy never got so hot
as when we talked philosophy.  
We hiked,
camped,
talked of the future,
and bought a dog.
Her expectations caught up with her.
I never claimed to be a could be daddy.
She said she understood.
She didn't.  
      
Never blamed her for the obvious decline.
She did.
She hates me,
because she still loves me.
And I can't be who I told her I could be.
Not sure yet if I was lying,
but she swore she loved me,
not the maybe me.
I swore I loved her,
but was dishonest about in which way.
Always tried to spare her feelings,
turns out I hurt her worse.
Whatever.