Clutch

Glaring, unsuspecting.
The many days I passed unknowing,
Uncaring. Or rather, the mirror not showing my true self.
But I have awoken and my eyes are open.
Do I clutch? Do I push?
You know what they say,
What comes up must come down.

All I need now
Are pieces to fit, to form.
Not to conform to that broken mirror aspect,
On which everyone else is so hung up on.

I know somewhere there is an answer
To all this knowing, to this daily question.
Who are we? Are we purposeless?
Once upon a time, I remember, an idea.
The idea of being in love.

Now doubt creeps up in me once again.
But I fight, like I always do.
But harder, somehow, because now I know I have so much to lose.
Do I clutch? Do I hold?
You know what they say,
You don’t know what you have until you lose it.

But I’ve always known what I’ve held,
Nothing short of a miracle,
Doubled up on itself,
Do I clutch? Or do I let go?  

I’m too afraid to let go.
Afraid of the black space you will leave behind.