Damned

It's hard to find myself
While I'm falling through nothingness
Will this ever stop?
The darkness surrounds my mind as I try to fight through this
It pushes me back. It torments me.
I'm slowly going blind.
Blind to the pain I cause others.
Blind to the pain I cause you.
(Are you tired of me?)
I know I hurt you.
I don't try.
Or maybe I do.
Maybe in the back of my mind I have a premature judgement about your love.
Maybe I just want to get you before you get me.
I know you wont try to hurt me.
But I'm scared that the hurt will eventually come.
Maybe it will.. and, maybe, it wont.
Maybe it's all in my head.
My insane insecurities hold me captive to the thoughts I have about you.
I know I am not even close to deserving your tenderness
your warmth and intimacy,
Or your attachment
Your devotion
I know I do not deserve your love so why do you give it to me.
Why do you think I am some "Angel"
Ha! I don't even come close to an angel..
Im closer to a demon.
Im damned to hell.
A demon.
My underlying personality shows that.
My past life shows that.
I tried to reshape this thing we call life.
My life.
I tried. I still am.
But, remember, I'm damned.