Looking myself in the eyes

My biggest bully is myself
Every time I choose to go a different path
I let myself down a little
Like i will never follow through
Finish what I started
And When I tell others
I see that disappointed look
It tear me apart
I hate not fulfilling others expectation of myself
And my own expectations
You can yell at me all you want
Be as loud as you can
SHOUT
Throw things
Cry
But I know
Where I have failed
And trust me
I yell at myself
Call myself
A Quitter
Lazy
Spoiled
Loser
Others have it better
Thats nothing
Suck it up
I cry and pour out tear
Why go for the tissues
I don't deserve something to dry my tears
Because I can do better
Tell myself are you okay with who you are
Is this the real you
Are you gona break this easy
Your weak

God typing in that word
weak
That just hurts so bad
Pains me
I hate
loathe
despise
That word
It just thrusts a knife into my heart
That I can bear to pull out

I just want you know know I'm hard on myself
And trust me when i say
I know and hate where I went wrong