Atramentous

Endless
 
This wall-less maze in which there is
no sense of direction
 
Whether I am
 
falling
drifting
rising
or  
simply stationary
 
I do not know
And I might have stopped caring
 
Lost is not the correct word for what I'm feeling
There seems to be a much better suited word out there
 
Describing such a catastrophic predicament
with finesse and bitter resolve  
 
Fucked
 
Yes, I think that only crisp profanity  
could save my sanity
 
If I had any left  
 
I feel claustrophobic in this suit
though it is the only thing protecting me
 
My exoskeleton
grey in color
ribbed with metal reinforcement
My oxygen humming on my back
 
I imagine it would be humming
a melodic answer to my thoughts
 
But I hear nothing  
 
It's as if my ears are filled with gauze  
 
Contradictory to my constriction  
I've never felt so exposed
lonely and small
 
Space
Atramentous and forbidding
Absolute darkness
 
shrouding me in a cloak of anonymity  
 
I am reduced to nothing
insignificance  
 
Not even the stars
distant and twinkling
light my path back home  
 
Home
A place I took for granted
Hell, I still do
 
Witnessing Space
Even dying in Space
 
will be more exhilarating  
than anything I could have accomplished back home
 
my life had been more or less failure
 
Tragedy  
 
Alcohol-drenched nights
drugs raping my senses
 
Pathetically clinging to the false hope
that purpose would find me
 
Now look at me
 
Surrounded by stars
Not the stars you see from Earth
 
but real stars
more brilliant and clear than I think I've earned the right  
to gaze upon their terrible beauty
 
Indifferent to my problems though they are  
 
The small comfort that they give
isn't nearly enough to quell my unease
 
I look beneath me
only to see un-ending chasm    
to all sides  
abysmal depths of the Universe
 
I can't help but wonder
what if Space had gravity?
 
Would I fall?
 
Into a Black Hole?  
 
I worry myself with these thoughts
cannibalizing my brain
fear taking hold
 
Though I know
inside
I will be dead soon regardless
 
I know they're not looking for me
 
There would be no point
When it's not just a matter of three dimensions
But eleven?
 
I can't even comprehend that
Eleven dimensions
 
If I could have one more drink
steady my growing hunger  
 
the burn of acidic bile growing in my throat
 
I wonder how long it will take
Dying in Space
 
"The Final Frontier"  
 
The final chapter of my life
 
Written eloquently in the hand of a  
Cold-hearted Bitch  
 
My chest aches
Suffocation has slowly begun
 
Taking it's damn time
poisoning me little by little  
With my own exhaled breath  
 
I gaze upon the mystery of Space  
 
I want to make sure that I take it all in
This unforeseen treasure
As I die  
 
drifting into nothing