deepundergroundpoetry.com
Winged prayer
I would ease you from false light
into which you blindly flew
hold you gentle all this night
breathing new life into you
every sure, bold swoop
gentle landing, joyous lift
flit, dart, and languid loop
I'd ever made, would be my gift
thrust you fluttering aloft
to soar daylight's bluest haze
without care, and sun kissed soft
knowing only summer days
...
dear Hugh
what sheer delight
the miracle that is
you
in flight
(For hemihead)
Published 6th Sep 2012
| Edited 9th Sep 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
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comments 7
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The author encourages honest critique.
6th Sep 2012 5:59am
6th Sep 2012 8:10am
A dabble in rhyme, not my most comfortable place. So glad to hear you enjoyed this ;-)
6th Sep 2012 6:45am
6th Sep 2012 8:12am
(Written after reading your 'classic', just quietly) ... pleased you enjoyed the ride
Anonymous
18th Sep 2012 7:30am
Well....I know for a fact that Hemi doesn't deserve such fine writing, but if he had the stones for it, he'da actually said "Lovely writing. A small pretty picture, laid gentle and well".
:-)
dp
:-)
dp
9th Sep 2012 2:06am
Kaatho,
the rhyme and meter is bang on. I sometimes fret about getting the right syllable count for each stanza when i try an A-B, but I'm just starting to realize that mixing it up works just as well if not better.
one thing I'd try not to do is the repeat of ease-easing thing you have on the first stanza, purely subjective I know, I'd probably have gone with 'breathing or some other word that says the same thing with different letters :)
that said; an enjoyable read, shine on!
the rhyme and meter is bang on. I sometimes fret about getting the right syllable count for each stanza when i try an A-B, but I'm just starting to realize that mixing it up works just as well if not better.
one thing I'd try not to do is the repeat of ease-easing thing you have on the first stanza, purely subjective I know, I'd probably have gone with 'breathing or some other word that says the same thing with different letters :)
that said; an enjoyable read, shine on!
9th Sep 2012 4:10am
Doh!!! You're right, should be breathe ...
Thanks for your feedback, and for letting me know you enjoyed this, cheers :-)
Thanks for your feedback, and for letting me know you enjoyed this, cheers :-)
