Tortured Reflections of a Submissive

(Dedicated to a special little submissive I know seeking understanding)                      
                     
                     
I'm feminine helplessness, in lavender darkness, tethered taut and yet comfortable                      
Forced to wait, alone with my thoughts, doubts and fears                      
                     
Here again where I shouldn't be, but the only place I truly belong        
Taking a desperate, kinky vacation from my perfect little vanilla world  
                     
As usual, I start to lecture myself, condescending tone                      
Admonishment, for not being satisfied with love, success and all the trappings                      
                     
But then, the emptiness swells, filling my heart with sadness     
This dark craving, this need that again cannot be denied any longer    
             
How I am so addicted to this evil fantasy world                      
Like a wicked little Alice, needing her fetish fix, to be fixed in chains and manacles                      
                     
Submission for me is everything, the core of my very being                      
This truest self that my love and no one else gets, can understand
                     
That is with the exception of one for whom I wait, bittersweet longing
Who has secured me in these bonds, answered my anxious, needy pleas with a bright red ball, gagged silence                      
                     
He knows this good little girl is really so very bad                      
In need of a severe spanking, and oh so much more                      
                     
Is not afraid to kidnap me, making me His damsel in distress                      
So that my Sir can indulge His most wicked desires, liberate my most intense ecstacy thru my four favorite letters, BDSM                      
                     
When on my knees before Him, I feel adored, special                      
For I become the center of His brutal but loving universe                      
                     
Our hours of play are a perverted rollercoaster of exhilaration    
Mixed with headgames, discipline, and unbridled lust                      
                     
Just when I think I've experienced all of His tricks, endured all of His tests                      
He toys with with me in a new way, pushing my envelope, but never triggering my safe word                      
                     
My trust in Him is complete, allowing my Master to steal my very breath away                      
Only to give it back just in the nick of time, and then repeat    
                     
I am always blue, tortured when our time is up, when I must leave          
Begrudgingly going back to my life with fading bruises and a deliciously painful reminder when I sit down                      
                     
Finally getting home, I kiss my lover and flash him a contented smile he thinks is for him                      
But my mind is already daydreaming, longing for the next time with the One who truly knows, accepts, and loves all of me